Notes

do you ever just feel like no one actually cares about you. your at that point where you just give up. like nothing matters anymore. you wish you could re live your life and make it better. but you dont because you dont wanna go through what your going through now. you feel so drained, and you cant talk to anyone about it because you feel stupid talking about your feelings. your the funny friend that always smiling and laughing. Infact you got a reward for smiling so much. little did they know you were crying yourself to sleep every night. but they wont understand because thats not who you are right. 2 am is for the people that lay in bed overthinking everything and thinking of the person that doesnt love the back. 2am isnt for the ones that are cuddling, or love each other. Its for the lonely, 2 am is for the lonely because thats there only time. Let the lonely have the spotlight at 2am. I dont get boys. You think you found the one, he has the best personality, he compliments you, he stands out. silly me. he lead me on, i guess he doesnt stand out. i guess im very gulible. why am i always so gulible. i get attached too easy. i can never get pass the talking stage, its always something i do. I always ruin it, i think i have a problem. I get to comforable and it comes off as alot, boys dont like that. Sometimes home is a person. Home is my bestfriend. i wanna be with home every second of the day. I love being alone, i dont like being lonely. i feel like no ones listening to me. im such a bad person. i hate the feeling when someone doesnt like me or talks bad about me. i hate hearing my name. i talk bad about people. i am a fake friend and i feel so guilty. i hate who i am. i try to stop but i cant, i wish i could change. i try. i like to blame others for my mistakes. im a bad friend, a bad daughter, a bad grandaughter, a bad team mate, a bad student, a bad player, im a bad person. i hate the way i look. i wish i didnt have face fat. i wish i had a good body. i wish i wasnt fat and didnt get bloated so easily. i hate my hair, the way its so frizzy and the color is bad. i hate putting heat on my hair but i do almost everyday. I hate how i look without makeup. i hate how i look with makeup. i hate my hairy arms. i hate my fat thighs. i hate how i binge eat. i hate my nose. that is my biggest insecurity now. i didnt realize until that someone told me. i really wish they didnt tell me. maybe i wouldnt care much for it. i hate how much a persons words can hurt you. i hate people. i hate people that have a cold heart. why would you make fun of someone for no reason. i just dont get it. i dont get life. "lights are on but no bodies home" i wish people knew how pretty and handsome they are. i think people pick at their littlest insecurities and slowely they fade. i know that because thats how i am. i pick on myself so much that it hurts. but i dont care anymore. life as a girl.