Notes

okay so i like this guy named joesph but my best friend lea has this HUGE crush on him. He huggs my differently than he hugs his friends and the most hes hugged me was like 14-15 times in ONE day and so i was like ok..um (i didnt like him at that time) and now i do. for the past week after lunch or after school has started and even at home like rn hes been on my mind so my friend spencer saw that i wasnt acting myself & he was like wtf is wrong and i was like nothing bc ive been becoming way to antisocail since i got the feels for him and stuff. so i tell spencer everything and he talks to joesph at like this carnival thing yesterday night and i asked him did you talk to him and he was like yeah he said when he hugged me he thought he was being friendly and in my mind i was like dude this is how you hug me *7-8 seconds* how you hug other friends *2-3 sec with a pat* like dude thats a big difference. and so spencer was like so he said yeah abd i was like yeah to what? and he wwas like that he might like me and today i just realized that he gave me one of the hugs he gives everyone else and ever since teusday he has been hanging around other girls and im not the jealous type what so ever so idek whats going on with me but like i would get sad bc hes hanging with them more than me and im like..oh. and i think this was monday i wasn't being myself and joesph was like hwats wrong and i was like..nothing im fine.. and he grabbed my shoulders and was like look me in the eye and tell me youre fine. and i kept saying that but looking at the floor and he was like no my eyes are up here and in my mind i was like if ilook into thse hazel yes of yours i know im either gonna cry or ima kiss you. and so i didnt look at his eyes and i say it again and the bell rang and he was like your not moving until you tell me youre okay in the eye and i was like im fine joey and i looked in between his eyes not his eyes and i guess to lea my other friend mia and darin and spencer i was "tearing up" after i sad=id that but i want and i was like wtf and he gave me the longest hug ever and ever since then i cant just go on with my day with only 1-2 hugs of his i like want more bc im not okay im never okay and i ranted this to my friend until 4am last night and after spencer told me that i literally have just been messed up like do you like me or not? if you do then say something bc im going crazy and if not then stop acting like you do yeah ill br crying everynight until 3am bc you said you dont but my feelings wont mean shit to you if you dont know. SO yeah thats whats been going through my head oh and also i have a fucking D- an a F in two of the classes i try so fucking hard in so thats stressing me out even more. so yeah