Notes

I felt I owe some clarifications about things I spoke about, because I realised I might have conveyed them in a way that they could have been misunderstood. They are so important, that I wouldn’t want to create a wrong view on these things.

Also in the first place, I wanted to say sorry because I think I created a negative feeling by being too cuddly. When I said you are touchy, I didn’t mean anything negative, it’s absolutely a great thing, and I enjoy it too. What I meant is that it was the reason I got confused, and in the ceremony you wanted a hug, wrapped your hand on my head and shoulder, and suggested a cuddly tent, I assumed this as you are ok with being more cuddly. From me it wasn’t anything more, I consciously keep my guard not to cross the line, because I respect that was the boundary we established as friends. If you felt differently, apologise, my fail, and I will be more careful and shouldn’t assume. I like that this friendship is quite deep and intimate, and appreciate it for that also.

I talked a lot about sexual energy because it’s the most powerful energy, vital and creative force, available for humans. It can be creative, used to achieve great goals or it can be destructive. This energy was consciously used by many giants like Newton, Tesla, Beethoven, Michelangelo, Muhhamed Ali, Ghandi, in pursuit of their goals in science, art, inventions, sports, social reforms, and changing the world essentially. Not many people are aware of this power and usually misuse this energy by being overcome by lust.

I’m not against sex, but sex can be driven by lust or love. When it’s driven by lust, it’s not good, lust overcomes mind, logic, intellect, emotions, takes us over, we don’t think clearly and we usually make wrong choices. Satisfying lust comes with momentary pleasure, but soon after lust comes back and we want to indulge more and more. And it’s never fully satisfied. Instead there is a way to transmute sexual energy, and learn to control lust. Ideally sex should be only in loving partnership. Sex is important, but it’s like with churros, kiss or sex without love is like churros without chocolate, just cheap pleasure. There are two sort of things, pleasant and good, pleasure will never be satisfied, we will always want more of it. What is good is harder to achieve, requires discipline but it builds a foundation of lasting happiness and joy.

We shouldn’t go grocery shopping when hungry because we will make bad choices and buy unhealthy food, and the same we shouldn’t go into sexual relationships when feeling horny, lusty or lonely. We shouldn’t go into a relationship because we are lacking and to get something from it. We should go into relationship because we are full, because we are content, happy, complete by ourselves, love ourselves, and because we can share that, we can elevate other person, care, serve each other, and help to realise more love within, and help to realise the Soul in each other which is the ultimate purpose and which will bring true happiness and joy.

There is a level of depth in relationship connections. The connection can be purely physical, which is not a great foundation and will not last long. The connection can have further depth, emotional, intellectual, but ultimately fulfilling is spiritual connection, Soul to Soul connection, and this is something to strive for. But to find and build such connection, we have to work on ourselves, purifying the mind and heart from lust and genuinely seek such connection rather than seeking gratification of our senses by pleasure and physical or emotional needs. If we operate on lust level, we are not likely to be able to find and build Soul connection.

So this is why I was saying that the main purpose of partnership or marriage is to help each other find, realise their own Souls, realise divinity within, help discovering pure love within. When partnership operates on this spiritual level, after some time, sex is just something not that important anymore, and there is no need for it that much, because there is so much joy and happiness that pure love gives. It’s not giving up on sex, it’s just getting something way better instead. This is the possibility that spiritual union offers. Realising our Soul, finding true love within and sharing that with others.

There are so many problems in this world and individual lives because of lust, degradation of morals, infidelity, divorces, violence, unwanted kids, and a lot more. Spirituality advocates purity of life to create better world, and that’s why teachings recommend that lust should be eradicated and it’s possible to create spiritual union between people free from lust, to such a degree that there is not even need for sex, because the joy and happiness from pure love is incomparable to momentary pleasure that sex gives. This is ideal according to spiritual teachings and is not easy to achieve, that sex is only meant to reproduce, but it’s difficult to imagine this to be possible, because our world is completely opposite, and sex driven. But perhaps that’s why there are many problems in the world.

Lust drives people’s lives unconsciously, to a very large degree, people are not in control of their lives. The goal of spirituality is to do everything consciously with a sense of awareness, to be present and diligent in every moment, then we won’t be driven by lust or unconsciousness.

The reward of achieving such spiritual union is so great, and difficult to describe because we don’t have anything to compare it with. It’s worth all the effort, and part of the effort is to control lust. It’s like with body building, gotta keep a good diet and keep working out. Some things best are to be given up, some things are best to control and do in moderation. Similar to achieving spiritual union, best to not indulge with sex driven by lust and with many different partners, but rather find a partner in which sex is moderation with love and brings more satisfaction, and in time work on it more and more to deepen the connection.

And it’s not giving up, it’s going after something much better and greater. And of course it’s a process, it's a journey, and it’s a difficult one, but effects are visible even at the beginning of the journey. Like with everything, balance and moderation is good to start with.

Lust is the most difficult to control, but it gives life changing benefits, effects even of moderation are visible and great, to completely eradicate is a very difficult, and lifelong journey. Masters say “It is easy to tame a tiger or a lion or an elephant. It is easy to play with a cobra. It is easy to walk over the fire. It is easy to uproot the Himalayas. It is easy to get victory in the battlefield. But, it is difficult to eradicate lust.”

I’m of course not free from lust, and I’m not giving up on sex, but I’m working on it as per what I’ve written here, and I can see amazing benefits after 3 years of consciously working on it. There are ups and downs, but I’m realising the value and importance of it in becoming a great man, it gives better health, mental strength, clarity, magnetism, confidence, balanced emotions and mind, sharper mind. It’s important that it’s not only conserving this energy, it has to be transmuted into higher goals or it may be too strong and cause negative effects if it’s not channeled or transmuted into other things. It cannot be repressed, it has to be transmuted. It’s possible to channel this energy into goals, creativity, work, dreams, but best is to channel it towards becoming a great man, towards a spiritual power, not for selfish goals like gaining wealth, fame which is also possible, but more for higher, unselfish goals, like spiritual pursuit of Soul realisation or changing the world to better. It’s also possible to conserve this energy and channel it into a goal of finding a soul connection which then sanctifies sex in a loving union as opposed to using sex as gratification of lust.

The reason I talked about these things was to bring into awareness the potential of these energies to be able to achieve great goals in life and this knowledge is not common. It’s possible to discipline oneself and not to indulge into wasting this energy in pleasure too much, but use it to build ourselves as a strong man of integrity and use it for higher purposes and better world. But again, it’s a journey, and it’s not an easy one, with a promise of such potential it's good to try to explore it and see for oneself how it works, but step by step is a good approach.

There were three main causes of pain, suffering and problems in my life. Alcohol, relationships and lust. I think it’s common to most people. Therefore these are the three things I’d recommend to anyone willing to improve their life to look into:

- learning more about relationship dynamics (books I sent)
- learning about lust and sexuality (stuff I talked and wrote about here)
- giving up alcohol and substance addictions


Some guidance for controlling lust are:

- when horny, work out more, get tired
- cold shower
- always be busy with something, don’t let mind to be bored
- have a goal to strive for, and channel lust energy towards this goal (goal or creative activity, writing, learning new skills)
- meditate, quiet mind
- no fap
- not to over indulge sex, moderation and ideally with one, mutually committed partner