Notes

how i feel
i feel overwhelmed because im starting a new job and I stopped going to school and everything I just feel all grown up and I don't want to be. i feel like yes I can be ready to act or be grown up but I don't want to grow up. i want to go back and live life again but do It right this time. i feel like i have taken my life for granted and therefore i don't deserve it. i know i sound stupid because most people deserve a good life, me included, but sometimes i just cant help but think about going back and starting over again. i want to go to school and do good but i literally cant and i feel like such a big disappointment because i cant be good at school no matter how hard i try. i can try harder but if i do i lose who i am, i don't want to dedicate my life to school because school isn't everything and i don't see the point. i think the main reason i want to go back is because i got to socialize and be who i am or who i want to be, i got to see my friends and yknow to teenager stuff like skip class. however, school is a place for education and not socializing. to me school is about growing and finding who you are, in schools there's clicks and allat and u eventually find ur group and stuff or u don't find ur group and ur a little bit of everything and that's fine, that's for you to find out. actually going to school is different though, you have to deal with teachers constantly pointing out how behind you are or how ur doing something wrong and this and that,in school i felt like i could never be enough. i know everyone can always improve in what they're doing but to hear it constantly is so draining when you are trying your absolute best. it hurts when no one notices.