Notes

Ive known this for longer then you will ever admit to it. the way you treat me but want me to basically kiss your ass is pathetic and YES I FUCKED UP but SO DID YOU. and my fuck ups all are a back and forth battle with you of things you did or do. Yes rich messaged me back in 2020 but he didnt know i was in a relationship and I was not in any position to be in a new relationship because no i was not over him at the time but things just felt right with you so i thought and i was told by people that sometimes you need someone else to help you get over an ex. But every single time you just blow up and go nuts which caused me to reach out to people you didnt want me too. but if my car is being packed with all my belongings and i am leaving here, i dont think about what is john going to think about this because in my mind were done. what i do who i speak to who i see doesnt and shouldnt concern you at that point. granted, you didnt want to really be done and expected me to know that every single time, but you cannot create the monster inside someone else. i did not make you who you are today. it was always inside of you, but i was what provoked this side of you to come out i guess you could say if that is how you feel. but let me just make one thing very clear. the court is not going to issue a PFA for someone leaving flowers and coffee at their exs door every morning. sorry, i couldnt get one on an ex who was actually abusive without having to jump through hoops so i just let it go because he went to jail eventually and i didnt have too worry about it anymore. BUT LETS BE HONEST, can you not tell that you LOST ME A LONG TIME AGO?! I only keep holding on because you are and you make it difficult for me when i try to move on in life. YES i love you, NO i dont think we are good for each other. but i try to think about the what ifs... what if i was clean. would things be different? idk, but you harp on me so much but you dont actually think i believe for a second that you will stop using meth?! and you want to be yelling at me over losing the house when YOU HAVE BEEN GAMBLING ALL YOUR CHECKS AWAY STEALING MONEY