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things are getting complicated, i said i would put my feelings for her away, but when we talk it makes me wanna tell her. she's put her dream out and she has things in stone, her tattoo is the evidence, she got it for the navy and i don't know if shes going yet but i want her to go and to stay at the same time and i also want to tell her in either situation but Im afraid of what she will say. iv'e tolled her about my plans and she's surprised, i wish i can tell her. that i want to meet back one day and go from best friends to more, but she will most likely say no and reject me. i might also loose her as a friend. i want more. even though i know its selfish, i want more. Im afraid, Im afraid of her know and reject, Im afraid of not being able to tell her and loosing her another way. the only thing getting me by is her, her voice, her attitude, her kindness, her generosity and her trust in me. i wish she knew more, even a simple hug and a simple smile or maybe a act of trust between us can get me by, before i lose my mind.

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