Notes

This is a jumble of thoughts concerning my freshman(sophomore year at GCSU)

I feel as if no one cares about me. Whether I say something in class or whether I don't say anything in class, no one cares. But I understand that it's not personal. I don't care what most other people say, and most other people don't care what anyone else says. So what's my point? Developing personal relationships is the most important thing. Acquaintances don't matter, people that semi-like you don't matter, because when you leave, they don't care. You mean nothing to them, and they mean nothing to you.

I feel as if no one will care when I leave to go to UGA. Is it my fault? Is there anything I could have done to get others to like me more? My answer is a resounding "hell yeah." I feel that unfortunately it IS my fault. I never hung out with anyone or developed a deep relationship with anyone. So why should anyone care when I leave? In tennis club I never really played tennis outside of the meeting times. Nor did I attend any of the tournaments. Soooooo.... yeah It kinda is your fault..

Admittingly there will be a few people who I talk to all the time that will be sad to see me leave. No one's as gregarious as I am, and they will feel a loneliness once i'm gone.

Will anyone miss me? Probably some. Some from work, some from school... maybe. But unfortunately, I didn't impact that many people's lives and that's sad.

No one at the tennis club will miss me. It's sad, but it's almost entirely my fault. Not hanging out with others results in not being close friends with anyone. Had I chose to hang with people, I could have developed deeper relationships and got them to miss me.

However, did I want to hang out with anyone? Mostly the answer is 'no'. I never felt the need to hang out with anyone, because there is nothing to do and most people don't share my interests. I don't mind being by myself. It's not 'fun' but it's not fun being with those that I don't want to be around either. I want to hang with people with high aspirations (doctor's, lawyers, anyone with good goals) . People who are not boring!! Say what you want about me being annoying but no one has ever told me that anything i've said or done is boring.

It's not like I couldn't have been with others this year. I've probably met and talked to 40-50 (not exaggerating) random strangers in which I could have been with them, but I chose not to. It's sad. I'm so social and I feel so cool when i'm socializing with others. But it goes away when i'm alone. I still feel lonely occasionally when i'm alone.

Honestly I just think that I need to join more clubs and do more things. But the endgame would still be the same, i'd be alone. I would talk to others, get them to like me. But I wouldn't choose to be friends with anyone. I'd still feel an emptiness inside. Unless of course I actually met a few people who are like me. Interested in sports, books, philosophy, anything and are cool and entertaining.

The reason I don't hang out with anyone, honestly is because i'm lazy. I'm not awkward but it's tiring when I have to talk so much. I wish I could just listen to others tell funny jokes, ask good questions, and them be entertaining (for once). Sometimes I think i'm narcissistic, because I know that the only reason I talk to others is because I like to hear myself say crazy, interesting, or insightful things.

Most people are not interested in anything, they like watching Netflix or listening to music. But i'm interested in everything. I love to do things and have new experiences. I'm going to have a cool, fun, interesting life. But I can't do it in my room doing nothing! I partly blame myself and partly GCSU. There are ways to get involved, just not much I want to do. At UGA i'm going to get hella involved, because it's such as big university there's gonna be a lot to do :).

What are my interests?
-Sports
-Reading
-Philosophizing
-Chess
-Art
-Anything and everything. My goals to be a 6-7 on a scale of 1-10 on everything.

I don't know or am not aware of anyone who is both athletically inclined and smart. It's usually either one or the other. However, that might just be because I haven't met enough people yet, and there are many people who love to do that.

Have I learned anything after this year? I would hope so. I would hope I progressed in some way and got better as a person as a result of attending GCSU for a year

-Be still
- Do a few clubs/ recreational sports that are fun/cool/interesting and so that you are not bored all the time.
-Whether you like someone or not, if they aren't too bad, choose to hang out with them a few times, and see what they are really like. Some people aren't as they first appear.
- Do things easy. Don't force yourself to go fast or do things that are difficult. Do things easy!
- Being healthy is important. Eating healthy is the most important thing. It gives you energy and puts you in a good mood. Sleeping is also important. Wake up early on school days, and wake up with the light on weekends.


Being still is so important it's actually the number one most important thing I hope you take from this experience. Stillness is so important yet so unseen. We always feel the need and desire to do things, and there's nothing wrong with this desire, however the ability to keep still gives you an amazing advantage.
Why?
-You will avoid crucial mistakes/errors/ blunders
-It will give you time to assess the situation and respond thoughtfully and correctly
- It gives you a calmness that allows you to do things stress free and makes you more relaxed in general and allows anything that happens to you to be accepted (good or bad)

I think i'll end this treatise on my life at GCSU, with the topic of girls. I have learned how to talk to any girl effortlessly and without awkwardness. It's so easy. I've met lots and lots of boring girls who are interested in me and what I have to say, but unfortunately I wasn't interested in them. Maybe from now on hang out with them and see if they are more interesting than I originally thought.

What have I accomplished at GCSU?
-I learned how to play tennis
-Read a few books
- Learned how to type fast and correctly (probably the most underrated but most important)
-Learned how to play chess decently (developing moves, Not making blunders, etc)
-Learned the most important aspect of living that results in peace.