Notes

Okay, this message is probably going to be a long message so sorry about that I just kinda want to explain everything that has been going on.

Okay from the beginning, the reason Bri made you add me and created that group and made us talk was because I said I liked you. Well she sent me an image of you and then was on my case to know what I thought and when I told her I thought you looked cute she 'shipped' it and ever since has been trying to get us together.

Anyway, since then we have text chatted and talked in the group chat and had that one Skype call. From seeing the image of you I honestly thing you look gorgeous I even think you'd be way to good for me or even believe someone like you could ever like me it seems impossible to me. We've been talking and I can tell you're a really nice girl and I do really enjoy talking to you. I kinda like fell in love with your voice...

Anyway yesterday Bri told you how I lied to you and probably sent you a screenshot of what I said. I think I said something along the lines of 'I'm not interested' I didn't mean it in a way of I don't like you because that is not the case. I was just tired of everyone shipping us and stuff...

What I think honestly... I keep getting told you like me and stuff and I do like you but I don't believe someone like you could ever like me. I don't deserve to have someone like you like me. If you actually do like me. Since I've been told I made you cry yesterday? :( I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

If we do like each other how are we going to make this work? I'm from the UK you are from Oregon that's 8 hours in difference. From talking already you've been getting on 11:30pm my time in the weekdays if we do try make this work what if it doesn't and I have more feelings for you and get hurt again?

Not only that I feel like everyone who knows me in person doesn't like me. I always get rejected and I'm pretty sure I already mentioned it but I have already dated a girl from the US. I talked to her for a year and 4 months or so and I went all the way to see her in the US and I get there and learn so much about her I didn't know online... Then she didn't like me anymore... Again... I think nobody when in person likes me. I don't know what is wrong with me.

Anyway, I had to spend 5 weeks in the US and spend the last 2 weeks definitely know she didn't like me anymore but she wouldn't tell me. I had to live with her and her family for that much time most of the time feeling so sad because I knew she was just going to break up with me when I get home.

Anyway, she did the day after I got home she broke up with me... There was then around a 3 week period where she barely spoke to me and since then she hasn't spoke to me again. That was around 8-9 months ago and I still get really depressed sometimes. Anyway going through that has really affected me and at the moment it's a huge fear for me to go into something online again although I'd like to with you right now I'm just too scared of being hurt again.

Not only that, from being in an online relationship before it is really hard and I just fear that it won't work and I'll get hurt. One example I can tell you is the longer you're in an online relationship the more you start to notice a constant pain because you're in a relationship with someone online but you don't get to be with them and you start to notice how it really hurts.

This whole situation with me and you I feel so pressured. I feel like I am being forced by everyone and I just want to go at my own pace. Right now I do like you and would love for us to become something one day but right now I just want us to keep talking and get to know each other more and hopefully I can over come the fear and we can become more than friends.

I feel like you don't actually like me and people are telling me you do... You don't talk to me very much :( I'd like to talk to you more though can we talk more and get to know each other?