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its been a great week, iv'e been doing "better", i guess. i went to her party at first it seemed like it was going to be great but then her old friend showed up and i think she felt the tension. she was dressed normally but later on she dress up in a black gorgeous dress that made me see her more beautifully then i ever have seen her. i said the, well i asked to stupidest question, of why she changed, she said i dont know in the greatest tone. she either changed for some reason or for her friend, which is why i drank so much, to ease the pain. i dont know what happened when i left but i made her laugh one last time. it was a good and bad night. i left with a uncertain hole inside of me. i cant. its hard but im trying to live on as i would if didnt love her but i do and it hurts sometimes. i will live on, even if i have to go through more of this pain to keep her in my life, thats all i can do now

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