Notes

1. I hate myself
2. I wish I were smart
3. I wish I wouldn't have to feel so stupid around my friends
4. I wish I wasn't so careless
5. I wish I wasn't so ugly
6. I wish I didn't have such an ugly body
7. I wish I had nice hair
8. I wish I wasn't so sensitive
9. I wish I was a strong person
10. I wish I stayed a good student
11. I wish I would get better grades
12. I wish I wasn't so shy and awkward
13. I wish I could be good at something
14. I wish I wasn't so pathetic
15. I wish I never procrastinated
16. I wish I could draw better
17. I wish I could dance better
18. I wish I could sing better
19. I wish I could play an instrument.
20. I wish I was a better presenter
21. I wish my voice wasn't so weird
22. I wish I would let myself sleep at regular times
23. I wish I was hardworking
24. I wish I wasn't a liar
25. I wish someone would instantly kill me
26. For my birthday, I wish I would fall asleep forever
27. I wish I knew why my parents are proud of me
28. I wish I deserved to smile and laugh
29. I wish I were a happier person
30. I wish I wouldn't complain so much
31. I wish I wouldn't cry so much
32. I wish it were easy for me to make friends
33. I wish I could have kept more friends
34. I wish I didn't have such a mean face
35. I wish I would smile more
36. I wish I were good enough
37. I wish I could be more confident
38. I wish I would ask for help
39. I wish I would talk more
40. I wish I would want to go out more
41. I don't like my bags
42. I don't like my arms
43. I don't like my legs
44. I hate having a muffin top
45. I wish wasn't so uncomfortable with exercising around other people
46. I wish I could admit wanting to exercise
47. I don't like my smile
48. I don't like my nails
49. I don't like my arm hair
50. I don't like how easily tanned I get
51. I wish I had neater handwriting
52. I wish I was afraid of turning in things late anymore
53. I have disgusting eyebrows
54. I wish I wouldn't fail classes
55. I have such an ugly laugh
56. I wish I were healthier, physically&Emotionally
57. I don't like my chubby cheeks
58. I wish I wasn't such a picky eater
59. I wasn't so mean
60. I wish I was more confident in driving
61. I wish I didn't cuss
62. I wish I wasn't such a disappointment
63. I wish I didn't hate myself so much

I actually feel way better than when I started this list. I finally stopped crying |('',)/| I hope nobody sees this, which obviously no one would because I'm about to delete it all, but every single one of them will still be running through my head. I've asked myself, told myself, and wished to myself all of these things before, the majority of it at least once everyday. Yet I do nothing about it, because that's the way I am, it's who I've slowly become as a person and a student. I Hate it, and when I say "it" I mean all these things, but most of all me. I sound so emo right now and I hate that too because I was supposed to go through that phase in middle school, but here I am now, in the absolute worst state I've ever been in. And I'm the only one who knows about it. I know I'm still young, and I haven't even started my life, but honestly I feel like I'm not going to be anywhere near as successful as I'd always wished to be. Everyone but me still believes that I can be whoever I want to be. I would say that wish I could change, but knowing myself, that will never happen, and I'll just keep disappointing myself over and over. I've done it so often already and it hardly phases me anymore, and I find that absolutely horrifying. The fact that I'm becoming more and more careless each day, definitely confirms that I will soon become a failure. I haven't been getting any better with myself. All of this is weighing down on my self-esteem, crushing it more and more until it's completely flat and gone. I hate how pathetic I sound so I'm going to stop. At least I've calmed myself down for now, that is until my mom comes home and yells at me, disappointed in me again. For now, I'm going to continue listening to music to take my mind off of everything wrong with me. And everything I'm doing wrong, which is unhealthy. Shoots, I ended up writing too much then i intended. I really want to go now okay, bye.