Notes

I hate irreplaceable things.
I like things that don’t say
“I can’t live without this,” or “ For this purpose, I was born.”
The Things that I left behind are replaceable, so don’t worry about them too much.
Even I am replaceable, so don’t fuss over me too much.

A lot of things in this world that you have can be replaced.
One day you might just laugh at all the things you used to cling to.
Like your country, your money, dreams, friends, lovers, feelings, and all sorts of things a human can possibly possess.
I can tell this to my dreams: You are replaceable.
I can tell this to my thoughts and feelings: You are replaceable.
I can tell this to the people I love: You are replaceable.
I like Replaceable things.
I like Changeable things.
I like Disposable things.
My parents, teachers, classmates, friends, and lovers, in the end you are replaceable.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t hold you in high value.
That doesn’t mean that I am not willing to commit myself and my efforts to have good relationships with you.
I also like choosing not to replace you.


I was willing to love you with all of my heart, but you on the other hand-
You were focused on your career, and for a while, I was left unhappy that it was not me who could love you.
A lot of people have loved me and have showed me their willingness, they have pursued me and I have rejected them.
Even though you convince yourself that you love me, you never told me that you did, or that you
wanted me to love you. I couldn’t love you the way I wanted because of that.
But it’s good that for me, I can just move on if something can’t happen, after all, nothing is irreplaceable.

Even if I had to do it bitterly, I can find someone else I can love, who can actually say to my face that they love me and that they want me to love them.

If this is not rude enough to be curious about,
Did you love me, or did you only think that?
Were you actually willing to love me, or were you just satisfied with quietly feeling that you do?
Clearly, you had other priorities.
Though, as someone who also had other priorities, I shouldn’t be the one to talk.
My view on love is simple. To love is not all about having special feelings for something.
To love is to choose to love something; to choose to make something special.
Humans put a lot of care and effort towards the things special to them.
I am happy even if I was really nowhere near your top ten priorities. At the very least, that means that you truly loved God above everything. That means that, even if you don’t actively think like this, to you, I was replaceable too.

The punch line to this life...This replaceable human life of mine is that I like everything that is replaceable, dispensable, and changeable.
Everything can be replaced.
I like it that way.
Love is stronger that way.
When you willingly don’t replace.

To need something so much that you can’t live without it seems dangerous.
I would rather accept the reality of the weakness of our being and choose what I want to love from it.

My death is trivial, My life is fickle,
ephemeral.
I am replaceable, changeable, and disposable.
You can replace my position in your life anytime.
You can change your feelings overtime.
You can move on to another thing.
Don’t fuss about me.

By the way,
do you call bonds that people can move away from weak?
I am the kind of person who would treat my second, third, and fourth love like it was my first.
I am confident in this despite being an NBSB.

Weak bonds are the most important to me, because the effort to keep it strong is deliberate.
It’s unlike bonds that are absolute. There is no dependence. Unlike an addiction,
There’s no drug that blurs human reason.

I like bonds that are not automatically and uncontrollably irresistible.

Absolute obsessions are things that I hate to take part in.

Can this be called somewhat like detachment?
For example:
I’m not fussy over dying.
Even though I talk a lot about my dreams and the things that I want to enjoy forever.. like watching movies and anime and reading manga and books, I know deep inside that they are things that I can actually abandon uneventfully.

When I was a child, I moved from school to school and from friends to friends.
I abandoned hobbies when I got bored.
I guarantee that I can even give up on wanting to love you if it won’t work.
…though.. until the very end, I haven’t given up.
Like my entirely messy relationship with God
You are replaceable
But I choose not to replace you.
My life ended before anything could come and make me replace you.

And that’s how I always wished people loved and live in their life.
They can choose something replaceable so deliberately
that even their entire lifespan is not enough
to discourage them from continuing on committing to it.

I have no regrets because I have nothing I absolutely must cling to. I only have things I can acknowledge as important. I view the world and myself as something replaceable. I have no happiness and purpose in life to be concerned about. I live and I die simply trying to stay like myself.
I bow out.
I go.
I will go down to the grave with this in heart and mind.