Notes

What happened? I thought you missed me enough to talk to me. Just that you were on a boat having fun and I couldn't be with you then, but I wished you would talk to me afterward. I guess not. I mean you text me every what 25 minutes and I end up having to wait longer just for you to say I love you? That's not what I asked for. I asked if you would talk to me and not just I love you and leave for like 25 minutes. I bet you have plans to the point where you can't call tonight or something. We haven't called in a while......it hurts. If you wondering what I keep from you when you hurt me it's stuff like this because of just goodness. Can I have your attention for more than 2 minutes? I don't know if I'm mad at you, but I am definitely a little hurt. I thought you would be forever, but like always you give up on me after our 1 month. I feel even worse now...you could have told me and I wouldn't be bothering you this bad. Ughhhhh.

Should I tell him? Should I tell him that this was a rough patch for me before? and that I'm sorta stressing about it? Maybe he'll think I'm weird. I know it makes me sound needy and clingy, but before this is when Gunder stopped loving me and giving the attention he gave me before. When I get stressed about this stuff, I get nitpicky and feel like you hate me or something. I overthink and it hurts. I need all the reassurance I can get because goodness it scares me. Maybe you don't want me as much as you wanted me before. I get all worked up.....it sounds stupid and crazy, but it's the truth. This was when everything started going downhill and it scares me that is what will happen to us......but I think we are different, right? I'm going through a time and I need your help, so I don't feel worthless and unloved. I hate that this is what happens to me, but I honestly can't help it. I want to tell you this, but I can't. Maybe you won't understand and just think I'm a needy mess. Which I am, but this is different for me.... please understand. I don't know how to tell you this at all. I will word it wrong. I don't want to lose you. I just need to get through these few weeks and then I think everything will be okay, but you have to help me. If I start to get needy or sassy or get mad at you for something I want you to know that I only do this because I'm afraid of losing you and my brain goes into overdrive. It worries me more than anyone else understands. It hurts so much that I pick out every little thing, trying to fix what I feel..... I need help, love. So please just love me. I try so hard, but I just make things worse. SO just understand that I don't mean any harm or I'm not just getting mad at you just because. I need you to understand that I feel so bad, but I can't help it. I cry and think and overthink and hurt because I just feel like I'm losing you even though you still love me...