Notes

Most people don’t have a very good picture of themselves. They’ve never truly taken a personal snapshot, so they’re not really sure what their strengths and weaknesses are. As a result, they sometimes misunderstand themselves or others.

By now, you've taken a few minutes to rate yourself using the Human Relations Checklist. This course focuses on helping you improve the qualities on the checklist, even if you’re already at the high end. You’ll also learn how to build positive relationships. Before beginning, however, remember that your desire to succeed in human relations is very important. The skills you develop during this course will help you succeed in your other courses in the high school program. They’ll also continue to help you long after you receive your diploma.

Clearly, you’re the key ingredient in the recipe for good human relations. If you’re willing to make the effort, there will be many rewards.

Building Positive Relationships
Self-Confidence
Among the qualities included on the Human Relations Checklist, the most important quality for building new relationships is self-confidence. To take the risks necessary to build new relationships, you must believe in yourself and in your ability to succeed. Here’s something you can try to help build your confidence.

Woman Serving Customer at BakeryInitiating a brief, pleasant conversation becomes easier with practice.
The next time you’re paying for your purchases at a supermarket or convenience store, say something pleasant to the check-out person. Try something like “How has your day been?” or “Nice weather we’re having.” Pay attention to how you feel about making the comment, and how the person responds. Continue this activity on a regular basis until you’re comfortable doing it. You’ll probably notice that you have an easier time thinking of things to say.

Consideration and Communication
Consideration and communication are two other important qualities for good human relations. These suggestions will help you show consideration toward others. You’ll surely be able to think of others.

Lend a hand when you can. Even the simplest help you can give someone—for example, opening a door for someone whose hands are full—is appreciated. In your job, you might volunteer to do something such as mailing a letter for a friend or volunteering for a task that others might find unpleasant.

Notice the nice things about people. Little comments, such as “You look great today” or “You did a terrific job,” let people know that you notice the good things about them.

Meet other people’s needs before your own. At a party where food is being served, you might ask new friends if you can get them something, or you might allow them to go before you. After the party, you might ask the host if you can help clean up. During a meeting at work, you can comment on what a good job a coworker has done.

Good Listening Skills
Being a good listener encourages others to communicate, or to “open up” to you. Your willingness to listen makes them feel important, even if they don’t know it, and feeling important is very reinforcing. Because you’re a good listener, people will want to talk to you.

Becoming a good listener requires practice because most of us are better talkers than listeners. Here are three suggestions that will help you become a better listener.

When someone is talking to you, think about what they’re saying, not how you plan to respond. To be sure you know what a person is saying, try repeating what they’ve said to yourself before you answer them.
When you’re in a conversation, don’t interrupt the speaker, and don’t rush your response as soon as they finish speaking. If you listen and think before you speak, you’ll make it clear that you’ve thought about what the person said and how you want to answer.
If you’re not clear about what a person has said, try repeating their words with a slight variation. For example, if someone says, “Cliff really annoys me when he acts like such an expert on everything,” you might respond with, “So Cliff really gets under your skin?” This comment is neither critical nor negative. It shows you’ve listened, and it gives the other person a chance to tell you more.
Self-confidence, consideration, and communication are three key factors in building positive relationships. But building relationships is just the beginning. Remember, meeting the challenge of good human relations is rewarding both personally and throughout your career.

How Good Human Relations Skills Affect You
Your Personal Life
Good human relations affects you as much as it affects others. You’ll notice that you’re more open to new things and feel comfortable in new situations more quickly. You’ll look at the brighter side of events and the better side of people. In other words, your attitude will be positive. When problems arise, you’ll handle them without much difficulty.

In your personal life, you’ll find it easier to make friends. Using good human relations skills helps you get to know people. They’ll feel comfortable with you and will enjoy your company. Practicing good human relations helps friendships grow so they can stand up to challenges. You’ll find that your friends seem closer. The time you spend together will be more fun, and you’ll feel better about one another.

Growing self-confidence is another benefit. You’ll learn your strengths and weaknesses, and you’ll develop an “I can” attitude. This means that when you’re faced with a challenge, you’ll say to yourself, “I can do this,” rather than, “I’m not sure I can handle this.” Using positive self-talk in challenging situations allows you to dig right in and begin doing the job. Instead of worrying about the task or questioning your own ability to handle it, you’ll develop a winning attitude.

Your Studies
A winning “can do” attitude will carry over to your studies in the high school program. With each lesson you complete, you’ll gain more confidence. Your “I can” attitude will help you master even the hardest subjects. Before you know it, you’ll see that mathematics or English course you’ve been anxious about as a challenge you’re prepared to take on. It will no longer seem “too tough to handle."

Your Career
Many people make a mistake and don’t use good human relations on the job. They don’t enjoy their work as much as they should and they might not get promotions they deserve. If you want to succeed in your job, you should practice human relations.

Business MeetingDeveloping and maintaining good human relations with coworkers and supervisors makes work more enjoyable.
By using positive self-talk and good human relations skills on the job, you’ll accomplish a number of important goals:

Enjoy work more
Get along better with your coworkers and supervisors
Be better at your job
Find the problems at work easier to manage and less likely to affect your personal life
You’ll also discover that good human relations skills can lead to financial success. The ability to do a job is only one part of a successful career. Other ingredients—most of them people skills—are also needed. These skills include getting along with coworkers, helping coworkers succeed, being honest and loyal to your employer, and expressing a positive attitude toward your job. Making good human relations part of your career improves your people skills and makes it easier for you to progress to better paying jobs.

Attitudes and Learning
Attitudes and Beliefs
Everyone seems to recognize a good or bad attitude. However, few people can put a finger on what makes an attitude good or bad. Even people who study thinking and behavior have a difficult time agreeing on the definition of attitude. In general terms, an attitude is a set of beliefs that a person holds. The beliefs may be obvious or hidden. An example of an obvious attitude is a thought like, “I don’t like Chinese food.” Chances are, if this person has the chance to taste a new variety of Chinese food, he or she won’t take it. Hidden attitudes are much more difficult to figure out because they’re buried deep inside our minds. Suppose you had a wonderful second-grade teacher who often wore a certain perfume. You might have a hidden, positive attitude toward women who use the same perfume. When you meet a woman wearing that perfume, you’re more likely to warm up to her quickly.

Attitudes act like a filter for information that passes through our senses. In other words, our beliefs influence what we see, hear, taste, smell, and touch. Attitudes also influence how we understand information and how we respond to it. The following example will show how attitudes can color the way we see a situation.

Imagine that you’re the owner of a store and today is your grand opening. Your attitude is one of great hope. When you look outside and see the crowd waiting to shop, you feel excited and confident. You rush to open the door and do everything you can to make the day a great success.

Now imagine that you’re an employee at the same store. You sent out a dozen applications and this store was the only one that offered you a job. Of the 12 jobs you applied for, this one was at the bottom of the list. It’s a cashier’s job. You’ve had cashier jobs before and disliked every one of them. But you really needed a job, so you took this one, intending to send out more applications as soon as possible. You see the same crowd of people at the door that the store owner sees, but as a cashier, all you can think of is how unpleasant the day is probably going to be.

The situation is the same for both people, but they have opposite attitudes. The owner of the store has a positive attitude. The employee has a negative attitude. This attitude is apparent in his negative self-talk. As the example shows, the way these people think and act is opposite because of their attitudes. Attitudes are acquired in several ways. They can be learned from other people, they can be the product of experience, or they can be created in our own minds. Attitudes can also be changed. You’ll see in the next few sections that attitudes play a critical part in how well we learn.

How Attitudes Affect Learning
Studies have shown that positive attitudes help you learn faster and better, whereas negative attitudes slow learning. Did you ever notice how quickly someone who enjoys playing video games learns how to master a new game? This shows that positive attitudes improve the learning process. On the other hand, it’s difficult for some people to remember a dentist appointment. Some people have a negative attitude about going to the dentist. As a result, they put off going as long as possible and have a hard time remembering when they’re supposed to go.

Having a positive attitude toward life in general will help you learn well. Having a positive attitude toward learning itself is an even better way to boost the learning process. A positive attitude toward learning includes several beliefs:

I can learn.
I can enjoy learning.
I know a great deal already and I’m capable of learning a great deal more.
Learning will improve my life in many ways.
These beliefs or attitudes open up our minds to information. They help us understand information faster and remember it better. We can then improve our actions by doing well on a test, getting along with people better, enjoying a hobby more, or raising our job performance.

The main obstacle to learning most people face is a negative attitude. Sure, some people appear to have a special knack for subjects such as history or science. Others seem to have an impossible time with math or English. But by and large, almost everybody can learn if they set their minds to it. What stands in their way is a poor attitude toward learning.

Everyone starts life with a positive attitude toward learning. Young children are the most eager learners in the world. But sometimes they’re limited by their environments or their capabilities. Somewhere along the way a negative attitude develops. This negative attitude is accompanied by negative self-talk. They begin saying to themselves, “I can’t learn so I won’t learn.” By the time they become teenagers, many have convinced themselves that they’re poor learners.

If you have any negative attitudes toward learning, you can solve the problem. As mentioned, attitudes can be changed. You can talk yourself into becoming a good learner by changing negative self-talk to positive self-talk. Here are some examples of what you might say to yourself.

“I have an enormous ability for learning. I haven’t used my mind to the fullest. Starting right now, I’m going to be a better learner in all parts of my life.”
“I’m a capable person. In fact, I’m more capable than many people who are more successful than I. From now on, I’m going to improve my learning abilities. I’ll reach for the success I know I can achieve.”
“I’m going to discover and change whatever obstacles are causing my negative attitudes.”
It’s good to repeat positive self-talk often. It’s a true motivator and will help lead you to success.

Human relations skills can be spread from person to person. Your positive attitude toward learning can also be given to others. You can help your family, friends, and coworkers improve their attitudes toward learning. One way is to help others eliminate negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk. Another way is to offer encouragement and a pat on the back.

Expressing Attitudes
Attitudes reflect lasting feelings about people, objects, issues, and events. By lasting, we mean the feelings tend to remain unchanged for long periods of time, in contrast to moods, which may change quickly and often. We can’t see, hear, or touch our attitudes because they’re inside our heads. Even so, attitudes influence our behavior, especially the way we communicate with others. Our attitudes make themselves known to others when we speak, write, and use body language.

Expressing Attitudes in Written Language
Have you ever heard of a “Dear John” letter? This is a letter sent from a woman to a man saying their relationship has ended. Her attitude toward the man and their relationship has changed from positive to negative. A “Dear John” letter is one example of expressing an attitude in writing. Other examples of attitudes in writing can be found in the “Letters to the Editor” page of a newspaper. Here, people who are for or against certain issues express their opinions in writing. If you’ve never read this section of a paper, you really should. In addition to learning what others think about current issues, you might even find the letters entertaining. All types of people with different attitudes use the newspaper to express their beliefs. You may want to consider writing a letter to the editor of a newspaper near you to get some practice in expressing your attitude in writing. A more modern example of this idea is the blog. Blogs may function as an online diary, a newsletter, or even a discussion forum. Chances are, you’ve read a blog. You may even know someone who writes one. Why not start writing comments on your favorite blogs? You could even start one of your own.

In addition to what we say with our words, we communicate by how we write. Here are two examples of a business letter. One is pleasant and the other isn’t.

Dear Mr. Lewis:

We appreciate the opportunity to do business with you once again. The shipment you ordered was filled yesterday and should arrive tomorrow. If there are any problems with the order, please call our 800 number. We’ll be happy to help.

Dear Customer:

Your order was shipped yesterday and will arrive soon. If there are problems with the order, please call the complaint department. Describe the problem exactly and we’ll decide if it’s our fault or the shipping company’s.

The first letter is personal, sincere, and helpful. It will make the customer feel important. The customer will also believe that the company values his or her business.

The second letter is callous. The person receiving the letter won’t feel important. Instead, he or she will believe that the company isn’t interested in solving any problems. Likely, the individual won’t want to do business with the company again.

When you’re writing a letter, especially for business purposes, you should always think about the content of the letter in two ways. Ask yourself, What do the words say? What kind of feelings does the letter show? If the feelings of your letter don’t match the words, then change the letter. Remember, attitudes aren’t always obvious, so you must pay very close attention to what you’re writing. Hidden attitudes might be sneaking through.

Expressing Attitudes in Spoken Language
Because people speak so much more often than they write, attitudes play a much greater role in spoken language than they do in written language. Attitudes greatly influence the hidden messages that we express when we speak. These hidden messages can be positive or negative. Attitudes also affect how we interpret what other people say. If we want to maintain good human relations, we must be aware of how attitudes affect spoken communication.

Friendly Customer Service RepresentativeA pleasant, "smiling" voice communicates the speaker's desire to be helpful and cooperative.
Attitudes affect spoken language in many ways. Here are some of the more important ones:

Tone. Inflection is a change in the tone of a speaker’s voice. Speakers who are trying to persuade listeners to take a certain action or adopt a particular point of view often use inflection— going from a soft tone to a loud tone, or vice versa—to emphasize key parts of their speech.

Common examples of using inflection to help communicate an attitude include raising our voices when we’re angry or when our team is doing well, and speaking softly when we talk to babies or when we’re in romantic situations. Our tone of voice might indicate other feelings as well, like bashfulness, confidence, embarrassment, or contempt.

A careful communicator will try to be sure that her or his tone matches the message to be communicated. A tentative or uncertain tone of voice should usually be avoided, because it may tend to confuse the listener.

Volume. The loudness of our speech conveys a great deal. Mumbling or speaking too softly can weaken the effect of a spoken message. It may even annoy the person to whom you’re speaking. Speaking too loudly at the wrong time can be interpreted as false confidence. It might say to others that you’re all talk and no action. This isn’t to suggest that speaking quietly or loudly is always wrong. The important point to remember is that the volume of your speech should match the situation and the message you want to get across.

Pace. The rate at which we speak is called pace. Everybody has their own speaking pace. Some people speak faster or slower than others. Our speaking pace changes as a result of certain attitudes, stress, and worries.

When we discuss a topic we know well and enjoy, our speaking pace is quick but not too fast. This is especially true when we’re speaking to others who share our knowledge and interest in the topic. When we’re unsure of what we want to say, lack confidence, or don’t know the topic very well, our speaking pace slows down. We’re struggling to make ourselves understood. As was true of tone and volume, there should be a match between the pace of what we’re saying and the meaning of what we want to communicate.

Word choice. Our attitudes are also conveyed by the words we choose to describe people or situations. Saying that you like to watch LeBron James play basketball is evidence of a personal preference, not an attitude. But if you say you’ve always believed LeBron James is a great basketball player, you’re probably expressing an attitude.

Attitude also affects language in other ways. Business people sometimes use violent terms (destroy the competition, hostile action against a company) to describe what they hope to do. They don’t realize that relying on such violent language sends a message about the stress they’re feeling.

Taking turns. Our attitude can also be expressed by how willing we are to let others talk. Sometimes we interrupt people before they’ve finished speaking. When we do this, we send a subtle message that what we have to say is more important than what they have to say. If it happens often enough, the other person will simply stop speaking to us. Knowing when to talk and when to listen is an important human relations skill that many people neglect. How do you practice good turn-taking? Just listen, wait, and watch to be sure the other person has finished before you begin speaking.

Expressing Attitudes Nonverbally
In addition to expressing attitudes through spoken language, we may do so nonverbally as well. Our grooming, dress, facial expressions, postures, movements, and the distance we keep between ourselves and others may all reveal things that our words don’t reveal.

People communicate through their posture and body movement. This body language carries a great deal of information. Most of it is related to attitudes and emotions.

The most obvious examples of body language are ones we all know: smiling when we’re pleased, frowning when we’re displeased, or making faces when we smell something awful. Other examples are giving hugs to show affection and nodding when we agree with someone.

Other forms of body language are less easily seen. Looking away when someone is speaking to us sends a message that we’re not interested. Leaning forward in a chair when someone is speaking shows we’re interested. And did you ever notice that when you’re tense, your body just seems to wrap around itself? You cross your legs, cross your arms on your chest, and maybe even turn sideways in your chair. Attitude and emotion have subconsciously affected your body language.

Another interesting aspect of body language is the distance you put between yourself and other people. When you know someone well and are comfortable with them, you’ll sit or stand near them. With strangers, you’ll usually keep your distance.

Don’t underestimate the role that body language plays in communication. You can learn more about body language by observing other people. You can also pay attention to your own body language. Once again, you should try to be sure that your body is communicating what’s in your mind. This will keep your attitudes or emotions from interfering with your message. You should also be aware of other people’s body language so you can understand their hidden attitudes.

The Importance of Attitude
Think about some of the things in life that are truly important: family, friends, health, job satisfaction, and personal goals. All of these things, and many more, are affected by a positive attitude. The more positive your attitude, the more you’ll enjoy life. When you have a positive attitude, your mental filter works in your favor. You interpret situations hopefully and you act with confidence. Your positive attitude sets a tone for your life. It tells others that you’re a winner. That’s not to say that only good things happen when you have a positive attitude. Life is never free of problems. Even if you have a positive attitude, you’ll experience ups and downs. Your positive attitude, however, will help you enjoy the high points more and handle the low points better. Others will be affected by your positive attitude. They’ll become more positive themselves. Also, they’ll recognize that you’ve contributed to their own feeling of well-being. Your winning attitude will “rub off” on others. Their positive attitudes will then spread even further. One of the most important benefits of a positive attitude is good health. People who have a positive attitude tend to enjoy better health than those who are more negative. A positive attitude helps you overcome illnesses and injuries when they do occur. Just think of how many sports stars or celebrities have overcome health problems with a positive attitude. Their victories make headlines, but for every one of them, there are many other ordinary people who have done just as well in their own lives.

A Positive Attitude and Your Career
A strong relationship exists between a positive attitude and career success. Not everyone with a good attitude becomes chairman of a major corporation, but people who are cheerful and enthusiastic are happier on the job. They usually go further in their career than coworkers who are negative.

Here are just a few ways that a positive attitude can help you build a successful career.

You’ll get along better with your coworkers.
It will help you build a good relationship with your supervisor, which is necessary for success.
If you’re supervising others, you’ll find that you can motivate them better, and they’ll therefore accomplish more.
You’ll accomplish more yourself.
You’ll enjoy your work more.
When challenges occur, you’ll be more likely to meet them successfully.
It’s important to note that successful careers aren’t limited to doctors, lawyers, or high-powered businesspeople. It has been said that all honest work is good work. Many jobs that are neither glamorous nor high-paying are exceedingly important. Farming, collecting trash, driving a truck, fixing automobiles, working in a bank, and countless other jobs rarely make headlines. Yet these jobs are the heart of the economy. The people who perform them make up the vast majority of the population. When these jobs are done well by people with positive attitudes, everyone benefits and our quality of life improves.

Maintaining a Positive Attitude
A positive attitude doesn’t happen by accident. First, you must look on the bright side when things happen that cause others around you to be negative. Then, you must keep a positive attitude when others start the negative self-talk.

It was previously mentioned that good health is one of the benefits of a positive attitude. Good health and physical condition are also important to keeping a positive attitude. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising regularly all contribute to a general sense of well-being. This sense of well-being gives you the energy to maintain your positive attitude, especially when there are more downs than ups in your life.

Consider occasions when you’ve argued with others or felt depressed about situations. Almost always, you were also tired, suffering from stress, or were generally feeling unwell. When people become tired or their physical health suffers, they simply don’t have the energy to maintain their positive attitude.

One way to keep your positive attitude is to avoid abusing substances such as alcohol, tobacco, and drugs. It’s impossible to measure the human misery that’s tied to substance abuse. In every imaginable way, from serious illnesses through the most horrible crimes, substance abuse has hurt more people than all the wars that have ever been waged. To maintain your positive attitude and experience success in life, you should control your use of substances that affect your mind.

Volunteering for community or church-related activities also helps you keep a positive attitude. Associating with others and feeling that we’ve done the right thing seem to energize us. Joining in group activities with family and friends can have a positive effect on attitudes.

Finally, we all need to relax to restore our spirits. Taking a walk, sitting on a jetty and watching the sea, fishing, playing with the dog, and reading a book are just a few ways to relax. Such activities just seem to build our spirits in a special way. For you to keep your positive attitude, you must find the time to do the personal things that build your inner strength