Notes

Goals, Faults, Everything.

Admitting Wrong (Faults/Mistakes)

1) First things first, I apologize that I went over anything that's okay in a relationship between people and I knew what I was doing and I still did it, I messed up on the trust that you gave me. Especially not telling you anything at all.
2) I understand you are okay with me having friends, boys or girls. Not okay to have a friend that I talk to about things that are inappropriate and has to be controlled by me, to not hide or delete conversations whether you would track them or not. Keep them to a respectful and knowing my boundaries for what I can and can't say.
3) I should be honest with you whether is my feelings or whats wrong, I shall not seek anything from anyone else. No matter whats wrong or whats going on I should always rely on you, my family and close friends who you know of or can see.
4) I will treat you with respect, an equal and someone that knows better than me. Someone that knows right from wrong, I will always keep my distance between people and anyone, I will respect the relationship of who I'm with. I am aware I made a big mistake by disrespecting you and making you feel unwanted or not enough.
5) I will be honest, to make sure I show my love and that there is nothing to hide from you. I will be able to tell you everything and there won't be a reason for me to hide anything, I will explain everything no matter how small or big. Any questions you will have I will not lie to you, and will give you the truthful answer because its just not right to lie to you and hurt you.
6) I understand that I broke your trust and that destroyed our relationship because of my actions. I understand what I've done is unforgivable and you may never be able to.
7) I want to be the same as I was when we fell in love at first, I knew that overtime I changed and it wasn't okay on who I was becoming and how less did I show my appreciation.
8) I don't get to complain, I should act more responsible and not be a kid. Not to make excuses to make myself better or look better. I will take responsibility and admit when I'm wrong, I will not make you feel guilty or like you are not good enough.
9) I shouldn't have texted anyone, met anyone or talk to anyone in the way that I did, none of it was ever okay. I will not do it ever again, I appreciate your company and what you given me for opportunities and love.
10) I admit that how I been or how I acted did not actually show that I love you, and in contrary it showed no love or care for you. I will make sure to improve my actions to show you that I truly am grateful for having you.
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Goals:

1) I want to go back to school, not because I been told to by anyone but because it's the right thing to do.
2) Go back to school for Fall, start semester and move forward.
3) Stop wasting my time, not doing anything productive during my days.
4) Start to take care of myself and my body. Taking care of my body, my health, my mind. I will go to the doctor, dentist, gym and build to a healthy life.
5) I will want to go back to how I was when we first started to date, being honest and loving. That all the appreciation and never wanting to prioritize the wrong things over spending time with you or doing something with myself to show I care.
6) I will stop making excuses about not wanting to do anything, be more active and support you with getting off our lazy bums and focus on making our time count, no more lazy Sundays or lazy days.
7) I will stop acting like a child, where I let my "fun" be superior or priority over the responsible things to do.
8) Start acting like the adult I'm supposed to be, stop talking about what I say I will do and start doing something about it so then people can believe I'm an adult.
9) Work on my honesty, my dedication to making those around me be happy to be around me, to stop hiding things and having secrets.
10) I want to be someone you can depend on, and starting to act like an adult on my own without depending on other people to take care of me or reminding me what I should be doing, that way you'll know I'm worth being someone to stick around with and count on.
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I know that with all I done, back then or even today. I know that I broke your heart and your trust. I know I got to fix it and do all I should been doing all this time. I will continue to make myself remember this and remember that all this happened because I made stupid decisions, I was immature, selfish, ungrateful and irresponsible.
So I will not expect you to go back to me and pretend nothing happened, instead I will be making the moments count if you do choose to give me the opportunity, because you are worth it and I will make you feel like you are.
I hope you find it in your heart to eventually forgive me, or even if you don't please remember that you're amazing and beautiful. I will never find someone like you ever again in my life, nobody who could complete me or call on my "BS" when everyone else would let me have it my way.
It's about time I show you the feelings that you have deserve to get from me since our first day together, so I will understand the outcome and if you choose to leave me behind, I will be understanding because it was thanks to me that we ended up in this situation.
And although I will pray and hope that doesn't happen, I will accept that if I truly love you that I should support letting you go because if I can't be the guy you can be with and trust, and count on. Then I do not deserve to call you mine.

I love you Olivia.

- Paolo
06/01/2018