Notes

Shira Perles

What People Say Goes Through

This is the story of how teenage hood hit me. Growing up can change you into something you would have never expected. I went from being too much to too little in the spam of three years. All that once excited me vanished. The labels of others turned my fire into weakness. My discovery after a few hard years will astonish you.

As a sweet, young child I was different. There is no shame in saying that. In just second grade, I would walk into school with nerdy socks and a unique bow in my hair. In seventh grade, I wore a head wrap made out of gold leaves on my forehead. Yes, there is a huge sense of individuality within me. I’ve never been afraid of being myself. People noticed. I would make singing shows for my family. I designed flyers on my grandmother’s computer and put together family clubs. There was this fire in me that never burnt out. I was loud around my family and my best friend at school. During class, I was the opposite. I would be completely quiet and respectful to the teacher. As a result, I was bullied for being unusual. Girls used to gather the whole class and point at me yelling, “crybaby, crybaby!” My best friend and the teachers were my only supporters at school.

Once I got a little older, my closest friend changed. In seventh grade, my best friend used to tell me that I get too excited and sometimes I should calm down. In my stubborn voice, I assured her that I will always be myself. My mother agreed with her. She told me to take it down a notch. I couldn’t listen. My heart wouldn’t give up. Girls in other classes started to appreciate me. They thought I was cool and super nice. Then everything began to transform. In eighth grade, I saw things differently. I got nervous all of the time that nobody liked me. I lost my confidence. I used to love my school despite the haters. I wanted to switch the next year to a new school.

For ninth grade, I altered to a brand new school knowing nobody. To my surprise, most girls walked in knowing friends. They barely included me. I was quiet because no one opened up to me. I made one best friend. We sat together at lunch. We didn’t have much in common, but it was the best I had to work with. I did my have anyone to share my composed songs with or tell about my dreams. At home, I disconnected from all of my previous hobbies. I would lay in bed and beg my mother to let me stay home from school. Halfway through the year, my best friend stopped talking to me. I had nobody accept family and a therapist. Once in a while, I made conversation. My voice became squeaky or I mumbled. I was too nervous to talk. I was petrified of judgement. Do you know what it feels like to have nobody and nothing you love?

My cycle began again. In tenth grade, I went to a new school. It was small. My step sister had told me about it. Girls went up to me and asked about me. People wondered why I switched. I explained that I didn’t like the other schools. There was one bothersome problem. Six girls in my class wouldn’t say a word to me. They were all close friends already. It was ok at first. I started to sing for them sometimes. One girl in my class invited me into a group of seven girls. We became, “The Seven Squad”. As time went on, my anger tripled.
I was mad and felt guilty about the previous year. My classes’ lack of social skills agitated me. They made rude comments to the teachers all the time. They yelled very loud and I couldn’t hear the teacher. I was still happy because I had made a best friend in twelfth grade. We were perfect for each other and she didn’t notice my flaws.

That year I went back to my creativity and ideas! One day, I was browsing Pinterest and saw a new word, “free spirit”. This idea intrigued me. I learned that bohemians and free spirits follow their intuition and don’t do based on society’s conventions. I realized I already have a unique flair, I want to try this. The next day, I started appreciating nature. I would run outside during school to smell the roses. I bought sun and moon decorations. Then I wrote a few songs about the free spirited life style. There was a smile on my face when I wore my gold leaf head wrap. I got feather earrings too. My discovery was that I totally forgot who I was for so long that I didn’t realize everything I needed was right in front of me. You don’t need to change who you are to fit other people’s boxed views. You are perfectly imperfect.

Right now it is the end of my tenth grade year. I still get nervous around talking to certain girls. Sometimes I’m quiet and sometimes I’m loud. Certain events won’t change quickly and that’s alright. The message is you are beautiful the way you are. Stay true to your beliefs. The people who tell you to be more like them aren’t your true friends. I am proud of my past and present life challenges and accomplishments. Thank you for listening!