Notes

why am i bad at everything except for gaming
why am i so short
why am i so fucking awkward
why cant i talk to girls normally
why do i feel so weird in my own skin
why do i care about my height so much
why do i want a girl so much
why do i want someone to want to care for me other than my parents
why am i so pathetic in that i try to make up some bullshit to get someone to care
im not suicidal in any way
but after i heard what my friend said
i wanted to have someone to listen to me
but i dont get it
i dont understand i why i want to know who cares about me
i know ive had an impact on people in my life
but who
seriously who.
my life is good
i have so many things
i dont live in the greatest place but i have so many benefits from it
its just more,
like i want to know,
who cares.
why? i dont know
honestly
i dont need help
maybe i do
but i dont get why
i can usually open up on things
but not this
i can open up about that girl
because it hurt
but this one is just me
only about me
and i guess im not comfortable with myself
maybe its because im still trying to figure out
who i am
but its still a problem
because i take everything that everyone says way too seriously
and that gets to me.
fucking niggas talking shit in spanish
and i take it so seriously
when they all be pathetic as fuck
like who are they to judge
but then again
why do you c a r e
i dont get it bro
like look at me dude
i get so angry
at the people talking shit about me
even though i talk the same amount of shit to other people if not more
so then who am i to say that they shouldnt
im no different
who am i
i dont know
i shouldnt have removed her either
but now i have to live with the consequences.
but thats my fault
i cant change that now
but fuck it
i dont want to care
but i do
and it sticks with me
why
i dont get it
i hear one
sad story about my friend and then i try to go and make up my own
because i dont have one
maybe im not making it up
but it feels like i am
even though im pretty sure im not
but it still feels like it
i dont like how short i am, or how i look when im not wearing nice clothes, i dont get why it bothers me so much
but it just does
i dont like how i stand awkardly when i dont have my phone, or when i dont have any friends around
i dont like how i play sports so introvertedly
i dont understand
i dont get it
why am i like this
just because im young?
but thats not an excuse
i dont get it
i want to be more mature than i am
but im not
i act like i am
i desire attention
i want for it so much
even in 6th i was the same
and now im no different
i just get more of it
and im satisfied
im no different from an attention whore
like seriously who am i to say that shes an attention whore
when im no different
i bugged joe so much when i was younger to make him respond to me after
he didnt reply to me after a few fucking seconds
SECONDS
or after hours after he was working
like WHO ARE YOU
to force a hand.
no one
no one.
i dont care even if i share this with someone.
this is the truth about me
everything here is basically true
well actually i do care if i share this with someone
i dont want
people to see
how im like
i have such a fucking angry and aggressive personality
i try to make people think im nice from the outside
when clearly im not
like WHO the fuck am i.
k's bf said im too nice
no im not dude
im far from it
i act nice
fuck me and my personality
it annoys me
im not suicidal
im fucking far from it
im just annoyed with how i am
im not satisfied with who i am
i cant feel comfortable in my own shoes
not yet
literally and metaphorically
wow congrats dude
you got her to say something nice about you
only because you said something about yourself that isnt positive
congrats
i fucking hate myself for that
but is it the truth
i think it is
but you didnt need to tell her
you just said it
you havent even told any of your other friends
why do you try so hard
you dont have a chance
shes older
she has other friends
she has other people that like her
shes going to be in college
you dont have control of this situation
why
do
you
still
try
because i have that little hope i guess
the same thing i had for the other girl
but that hurt you
i know
but i still want to try
youre a fucking retard
i know
why did you feel inclined to tell her
you didnt have to say shit to make her feel like she needed to listen
SHE DOESNT NEED TO CARE
not that she doesnt
shes not like the other girl
but still she doesnt need to know this information
you havent told anyone else either
you only thought of this recently
a few hours ago if anything
this is a YOU problem
you dont need to share this one
other things can be told to friends
but this one no
why not
because im scared of what they will think if i say im self concious
i know
im sorry
i dont want to share
but i do
i want someone to care
i know people do
but i want a relationship
you selfish motherfucker
i know
im sorry
fuck