Notes

thank you for everything reese
I'm not really sure why I'm writing this
except that I just love you so much
likeawholelot
and I dunno bawhkrldb
I'm sorry I can be difficult sometimes
it's a combination of a lot of things, likeee
stubbornness
being overprotective
excessive self-consciousness
taking things too far because i'm so freaking competitive
stuff like that
and I guess I wanted to say I'm sorry for all that,
and I know I don't have to apologize, and I know it's human,
but I still owe you some gratitude and remorse,
just so you know I know it isn't easy,
if just because you have to watch me go through the occasional turmoil.
I also wanna apologize for breaking up with you.
I know you didn't want to, even though you were so cool about it, and that it probably makes you sad,
but I'm just hoping I made the right decision,
because I really do want the best for you.
anddd I know you think that I'm the best, but nothing in life is certain
you're so mature - and smarter than you know - but you're still technically a kid
and dating a kid, even a mature one, doesn't feel right to me on any conceivable level
maybe that's just the big sister in me talking (yes I ate a big sister hahahahah)
even if I do wanna date you (and I really do)
anyway I just wanted to clear that up, if only for my own peace of mind
hopefully for yours too

ahem so this is gonna be a little venty
and it's kind of pointless and disgusting
because I guess it's just so I can get some stuff off my back and try to deal with normal things that happen like a normal person rdbklsemlkdrb

never doubt that I love you
we have our differences and I know I make fun of you for them because I'm a righteous homeschooled dipstick who isn't used to having an outside friend
but no matter what my envy or snobbishness is telling my brain, I love you so beyond much
I love that you go to malls and buy stuff for yourself and take filtered confident millennial selfies to show people and have fan books and posters and shirts for everything from supernatural to phil and dan and you have your own room and that you have a car and your license and that you've gone to anime con and to all these concerts and you've done and have all this stuff and more and you're just 16
even if I don't agree with or understand all of it, even if I'm jealous
no matter my own personal feelings about any of it, I love you so much
and I'm sorry that hearing about it makes me depressed or angry or whatever
that's not your fault, don't ever think that my moods are your fault
it's all on me
so don't ever change, okay, because if I can't handle something, it's unfair to you to have to become someone else just to appease my intolerance
you really are perfect the way you are, bubba

i'm sorry I look too much into things
it'sreallyeasytodothatwhenallihavearepixelsandmythoughts
I'm sorry I can be needlessly aggressive sometimes
that's just my arab blood ofc duh what else rnkdjb

okay but ahem
I just had to get that out of the way
because I've been bottling it up and fills me with so much hate
and I'd rather focus on all the love you give me and make me feel
because you do give me so much