Notes

Am I gay?

Okay so i know for sure that i like guys. after all, i'm attracted to a lot of them. but then there's karissa, wtf do i do with karissa, she's just so ll;askg;laksgh; lakg;lakhg;lahg attractive and i cant stop thinking about her. do i seriously like her? that's so confusing though, i know i'm definitely down to like. fuck or something oof but i jjjjjjjjjjjjust dont know if this is real its all so surreal i dont know what to do anymore. i mean i thought of her when i masturbattttted so i know im def attracted. thats a yes. a 10/10 i know. but maybe i do like her. im actually starting to be convinced that i do. every time i heard her voice in the group call i just felt happy and she told me to stop something once and i dont know what it was but it made me feel kinda sad. oooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmfffffffffffffffffggggggggggggg i have feelings for karissa and not only that i think i may have feelings for girls in general. this is so crazy like i always thought i was just some perv. i always thought i liked touching and seeing girls because i didnt have a body myself or that it just intrigued me somehow. deep down i do it bc im actually attracted to girls alk;ghsalkhlkh i feel so weird and jumbly. if anyone saw this i'd be exposed hella badly but i just wanted to really. think. what do i do? she's in a relationship with like 2-3 other people and even if they're online or something she has real feelings for them and not me and it feels bad because i just started liking her and my shot has already missed the hoop. i hope one day i either get over her or get to be with her alone because i dont think i can handle liking her. its just too much and its not something i want to put on karissa. karissa doesnt need to deal with my stressed, fugly dumbass. shes really pretty though. whats even weirder is that karissa actually identifies as a guy; so technically i'm being straight rn, which is like, wow, but im attracted to karissa as a girl, but i'd be fine if he wanted to be a guy, but what i'm saying is that his body is what i like and his face is what i like and i see him as a girl AND a guy. thats so weird. like, i will see karissa as a guy but whenever i think of doing weird things with karissa i imagine a girl which is soooooooooo bad. its really bad but i cant help it.