Notes

Day 9

Dear Zoya,

It's October 9th today. That means it's been 9 days since you left. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't control my emotions. They've gone from sad, to angry, back to sad. I can't help it. A huge part of me left when you left. I'm not myself anymore. I can't deal with the pain. I'm hurting so much inside it's killing me. I feel like I'm being eaten from the inside. The only thing that keeps me strong is the thought of you wanting me to be. I remember when we talked about what would happen if one of us were to die. You told me that if I ever gave up when you were gone, you'd never rest in peace. If you never said that to me, I'd be gone by now. But that thought keeps me alive, Zoya. I love and miss you more than ever.

-Love, Asad

Day 10

Dear Zoya,

Ten days. It's been TEN. WHOLE. DAYS. since I've seen you. I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I found it under our bed. The box full of all of our pictures and memories together. I remember the day I first met you. In the Dargaah, you were looking so beautiful, but you were crying. I felt the pain you felt. I wanted to wipe those tears,but I couldn't. I wish I could go back in time and tell you how much I love you, there's nothing I wouldn't do to go back and have you back here. I know it's too late now, but I would go back if there was a way. I love you so much.

-Love, Asad

Day 11

Dear Zoya,

Today I cleaned up the place a bit. I know that, you know that, I hate having a dirty house. I feel like I've gone crazy. I haven't really been out of the house except to get some groceries. It's driving me insane. I need to get fresh air, so I'll write you tomorrow.

-Love, Asad


Day 12

Dear Zoya,

I did something bad today. Do you remember that one time we got into a huge fight? The one where you found me trying to cut myself? I was lying on the bathroom floor, with blood all over my arm? When Ammi decided to go back to Abbu. Then you told me that everything was okay? Do you remember that? Do you remember telling me not to ever hurt myself again, no matter what? I promised you I wouldn't. I made a promise to you that I would never ever hurt myself again. I broke that promise today. I'm so sorry, Zoya. I hope that you'll be able to forgive me. I'll try not to do it again. I can't promise you that I won't do it again, but I can promise you that I'll try not to. You're probably really angry with me for what I did, so I guess I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry.

-Love, Asad

Day 13

Dear Zoya,

How are you? I hope you're doing okay up there. I wish I could see you. I was really tempted to cut again today, but I stopped myself. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror with a razor blade in my hand. I was looking at myself cry, which made me cry even harder. I put the blade up to my wrist, but just before I did it, I remembered the promise I made to you. I didn't do it. I stopped myself just for you, Zoya. I'm missing you more than ever. I don't know what to do without you. I'm trying my best, Zoya. I'm trying my best for you. I love you.

-Love, Asad

Day 14

Dear Zoya,

Today wasn't a good day. It has been raining all day, and we have no food in the house. I've been sitting on the sofa trying to write this letter to you. It's really hard for me to write today, though. I don't know why. I've been writing this letter for hours. It's not very long, but every time I pick up my pen, I seem to lose focus. It's just a really slow day. Now it's 11:00 p.m., so I'll leave you to sleep. Sweet dreams. I love you more than ever.

Love, Asad
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Hope you liked that, just wanted to clear something,
I guess I didn't convey the message properly.
So,