Notes

ast night I smoked a joint and watched a movie by myself. After a few hours I went to bed, completely relaxed. I decided to lay on my back, get as comfortable as possible with my eyes closed and focus only on my breathing. I started breathing deep and slowly through my nose. I did this for a few minutes before I started to get the feeling of being 100% relaxed. That feeling of just being. That feeling of just existing, without anything on your mind, free of judgement & expectations. The feeling of early childhood, in a way. Just experiencing the now.

After enjoying this for a while (I have no idea how long exactly) I started to sink deeper into myself. I no longer felt as if I was also my body. I was just the observer of that moment, I was just there. When suddenly I found myself engulfed in light. I was in the middle of the brightest brightness I have ever seen. The best way to describe it is a tunnel-like environment made of light. The ‘walls’ of light weren’t solid or still, they seemed to move and squiggle. It felt like the light was alive. I myself felt suspended in mid-air in the middle of this, moving through the tunnel very fast (either upwards or falling down, it was very hard to tell). I remember clearly thinking: ‘I’ve been traveling through this ‘tunnel’ before this moment where I ‘broke through’ and started observing it. I just wasn’t aware of it yet. Almost as if I took myself on a trip to see the ‘real’ me travelling in the tunnel.

There was an overwhelming feeling of love while moving throught the light. I felt very strongly that every flaw I ever thought I had was unjustified, and that there was just appreciation for who I am and what I do. I felt like whatever power inside me is responsible for me being where I am now, was trying to make me feel at home in this stage of my life. Trying to make me feel at ease here, so I can spend my energy on improving my surroundings (for me and others). All of this, I feel, only took a few seconds before I snapped out of it. While I was experiencing it though it felt timeless, there was no passing of seconds but just love and understanding (I love how hippy this sounds, it really is exactly what I felt though).

When I snapped out of it I was confused at first, then felt energized. I tried to go back ofcourse, but I couldn’t quite get back. I couldn’t seem to pick up on the trail of thoughts I was having that led me to that place. After I while I got close, but I got to excited about it and I snapped out of it again. I went to sleep satisfied with the feeling I’ll go there again when I need to.