Notes

Break up letter
I know you’re perfect, and you’re really good to and for me. I know this, because everyone tells me so. My mother, my friends (except my best friend, which is why she is my best friend), even my dance coach, as I struggle to put on my dance shoes after coming in five minutes late.
She winks and asks how my date was, like it is any of her business.
That may sound mean, but I don’t believe she knows me well enough to ask. Few people do.
But if there’s anything I’ve learnt, is that perfect doesn’t always mean perfect for me. I learnt this in school, when selecting classes, I learnt this in riding, when selecting a horse and a coach. I learnt it in everyday life.
I also learnt in everyday life to think and choose for myself, and to never regret the choices I make, only to learn from them.
A friend once told me I have the ability to be able to connect with anyone, and to let them feel I am relatable and personable. That I can be liked by anyone if I try. I think it is both a blessing and a curse, because me being friendly is often mistaken for me wanting more.
Which I fear is a mistake you have made.
As I type this my wrist feels like it’s cramping up. I haven’t written in a while.
It reminds me of something another friend said to me, that muscles must be worked. I forget the heart is a muscle too.
I’ve ever only loved two of the male species. One is a brother of a good friend of mine, who is worldly and smart and witty and talented, who made me feel like a special person, until I realized he liked a younger girl (he is 9 years my senior) simply because that’s how he felt, younger.
I realized this as I carried him home, arm around my shoulder, from a party. Someone who was reckless and believed a girl “should learn” from her “mistakes” wasn’t someone I felt safe around. Also, he didn’t believe in watching out for his little sister, and that was a bit of a turn off for me.
I have, after all, two younger sisters, who I am extremely protective over.
Also, him blowing all his rent money on cocaine and parties was pretty much the dealbreaker. Oh, and him being from Australia. I didn’t like how he kept me guessing either – I’m not a girl to play unnecessary games once we established that we are both into each other, whether we want to date or just hook up, if you are clear with me I will be clear with you. In my opinion, that is a mark of maturity too, something his fancy words and use of the English language couldn’t conceal.
The second? I still love him. It faded a little, when we sort of lost contact for 4 years or so?
I remember him, because it was around the first time I went to Paris with my best friend (and had to lie about being sick from school for like five days, but that’s another story for another time).
He is smart, not in the way the first one is, not intellectually, but still smart.
He knows how to treat a girl, he does so with respect and with care. He is funny, and he’s younger, so immature in some ways but wise beyond his years in other more unexpected areas. He is focused, ambitious, and with a heart to match his ambition. I’ve never met anyone who knew what they wanted to do at an age as young as he did, and stuck with it.
I would give up everything for him, but he would never let me. He understands that you can have a career and love, you don’t have to choose. And he’s only a year older. As much as he loves his job, he knows how to prioritize things too. But I think what works for us, is that we both understand the demands of each other’s’ love and dreams and jobs without losing the spark we have or without compromising on our feelings.
We understand that self sacrifice isn’t a childish act of ditching when it gets difficult or to throw a tantrum when we feel neglected; that communication is effective.

He and my friends send me gifts on separate occasions, including (gasp) a husky puppy, and a set of lingerie from clementina which he includes a note and a bunch of white lilies:
Happy birthday glitter baby, keep sparkling.
Xox
J & L

I get a little pup with a bow (with compliments from your friend Michele, the bow reads, and a note from my boyfriend with a puppy in a box)
I first get alittle box that says Orion on a dog tag, THEN I see the box with the puppy.