Notes

Dear Self,
Stop being a dramatic dumb ass who cries and cuts for attention. We both know Evan doesn't like it, and I don't think anyone else would either. Think of the early days of the star and the key, you know, the fucking things that you scarred onto your hand? Remember how stupid you were being? Remember how it made Evan want to cry? You think you've gotten better but you haven't, if anything you've gotten worse, much fucking worse. You've become a horrible human being. Crying over almost anything, making up stories in your head as an excuse to be mad at people for no damn reason, telling people not to do shit then turning around and doing even worse, you fucking hypocrite. Telling Evan you'll tell your dad about how messed up in the head you are then 'not being able to make the words form when he's around'. I mean I understand that one, and maybe you wont have to tell him but you'll have to fix yourself. And seriously this time. Stop fucking hurting yourself, you don't even keep it secret. You hurt yourself then think 'this'll get people to pay attention to me'. You. Dumb. Fuck. You're doing exactly what Maya's doing (and you know how much you hate it when she does), you're doing exactly what Brooke does, and it need to flipping stop. And should I even mention suicide? You think killing yourself is gonna do anything? I mean it may fix your shitty problems but it'll make everyone else's much worse. Do everyone a favor and stay alive. If you didn't have anyone then this would be a different story. But you have people that care about you, and if care for them at all then you'll stay the fuck alive.


Okay? If you're feeling like shot then it's your job to fix it, not Evan's, not Brooke's, its your responsibility not theirs. I understand that crying- it feels good, probably because you can easily get extremely sad vs getting ex termly happy. And sometimes you just really want to feel something ( that's where cutting plays its role ) I get it, but you'll just have to stop being a bitch and deal with it. For Everyone you need to stop. Let Sarah D. be your role model on this one. She picked herself up and is now recovering from something, in a way, that's a lot like what you're dealing with. Yeah her's had to do with eating, but it was something in her head telling her to feel a certain way. In her case she was told that she wasn't good enough ( even though her stomach it like the perfect bang able stomach I've ever seen ). In your case you're being told to be depressed and sad ( and a fucked up hypocrite ). She's fought her demons, now it's time to fight yours. But the only difference between her recovering and me recovering it, well, it's you and me. And we're not gonna drag anyone into, unless it becomes to much for us to handle. But I'm pretty sure we'll be fine. Just stop listening to emo ass music and we should be good. But actually though, we got this.

-Yourself