Notes

Hello, my name is Vladimir nice to meet you...
I am just one weird, crazy, depressed, sad, suicidal, unwanted and unloved person...
Not really but whatever...
I don't care about anything or anyone like no one cares about me...
I am born on october, 26th, 1999. in small and poor country in South Eastern Europe called "Serbia"...
I got born in poor family that hated me from the beginning...
They can't even be called my family because they never were my family and they never will be...
True family is someone who loves us, accept us, likes us, respect us for what we really are...
I am not Serbian at all, my family roots are Czech, Hungarian, Croatian and German...
But yeah i would call myself Yugoslavian because all ex Yugoslavia nations are South Slavs...
So anyway i am South Slav or Yugoslavian...
I am against all kinds of hate, racism, discrimination, nationalism, violence, etc.
Let me tell you story of my life...
It sucks trust me but the funny thing is everything is true and i deserved it...
This is true story so please listen carefully...
My dad married my mom just to have kids that will be like him and he hated her since he met her...
He is an ass and i do hate him soo fucking much...
Well not as much he does hates me but anyway...
Since i got born i have problems with pooping and peeing, that never changed, even now sometimes i do poop in my underwear and i pee in bed when i sleep...
I had and i still do have a lot of problems with my healt and it's not going to get better...
I know that i am just a big baby and that i forever will be but it is not my fault!
I mean i know everything is mostly my fault and i do fuck up everything but my body just sucks in so many ways...
When i got born and my dad realised that i look like her he started hating us even more...
I do hate everyone and everything, i don't trust anyone and i never will but at least i try not to hurt people like him...
After i got born he started to beat her up, abuse her and do a lot of bad things to us...
About two weeks after i got born she left him to live with her parents...
If you can't get it why it is because she was done with him, his sickness and him being fucked up...
Yeah i won't lie to you i am fucked up like him, i am sick and because of my life i got even more fucked up, broken and sick...
I don't except people to understand anything of this but i want you to understand that it is too late for me, no one can't really help me so please don't even try...
That is nice if you want to help and everything but no thanks i am fine, i learned how to live like this and deal with everything on my own...
Anzway we lived there for few weeks and then my grandparents (dad's parents) came to ask my mom to go back to him...
They did that only because at that time they kinda liked me, he didn't cared at all for us but yeah she loved him so she came back to him...
Okay so they liked me only because i was their only grandson at that time, you know someone who they need turn into someone who they could actually like...
Again you wonder why, well because at that time i was the only one who they could leave everything that they have...
Another funny thing is they won't leave me anything, except the hate of course...
About one year later my grandfather (mom's dad) died from cancer...
Funny thing is that if my mom die from cancer i can be sure that i will too!
Chances for me to get a cancer are really big because everything is getting fucked up, i mean my healt and everything so yeah - yay i will finally die!
Everything was same for few years my dad hated my mom and me, he did a lot of bad things to us but since my mom's dad died she knew that she can't go there anymore, her mom wouldn't let her so she didn't had where to go but at the same time she believed that he will change...
I had a surgery when i was about 3 years old, i had some problems with my balls... After surgery doctor said that chances for me to have kids are really low, i guess then my dad hated me even more...
December, 14th, 2003. i got brother and my mom was right my dad changed when my brother got born, he hated us even more and his parents started to hate us even more too...
My brother is same as dad, he is like younger version on him (sadly)...
My dad loves my brother since he got born and he started to hate my mom and me even more, he though my mom will leave again with me and leave my brother to him...
My parents, brother and i moved to our own house...
We lived there but nothing ever changed...
Since i started going to school i alredy got a lot of problems, i got bullied all the time and i never had any friends...
Well i didn't had any true friends just few fake friends...
But all friends are fake as fuck anyway...
I don't need anyone at all, i love being alone...
When i was about 12 years old i had 6 surgeries, something were wrong with my kidney and it got complicated...
I almost died, i was in hospital for 6 months and at that time i realised that i am depressed and suicidal...
We moved again and at that time i had my first and only girlfriend...
She lived about 2 minutes away from our house, i dated her only because she said she likes me, i thought it is true...
All day and almost all night i had to listen to my parents fight and talk about a lot of stuff so i thought it is better for me if i date this girl just not to be forever alone...
Before i dated her i kinda liked her younger sister that was 6 years younger then me, she did liked me but she told that to her parents so they told me to stay away from her...
Well my girlfriend was younger then me 1 year, since we started dating i didn't know who she really is but later i found out...
She lied me, dated a lot of guys, did stuff for money, used and abused me...
She was almost like my "family" and they knew that, that is why they loved her a lot...
They wanted me to date someone who will treat me like them or even worse...
We broke up after some time and after that i again didn't had anyone, i had a lot of online relationships but yeah it was always same: girl cheated on me, lied on me, used and abused me...
Of course a lot of relationships ended because i wasn't good enough, because we are soo different, because she can't understand me or i don't even know i do something wrong as always and she just leaves...
My grandmother died (mom's mom) and soon after that my parents got divorced...
My brother and i had to live with our dad but we got back to granparents...
My mom lived with her brother some time, she had a lot of boyfriends, she never talked to us, she forgot about us...
She finally was happy, she was free and eshe enjoyed her life...
I wish she never really had kids that will destroy her life...
She got married after 6 months and divorced 1 year after that...
I tried to kill myself for the first time, sadly i failed...
My granfather died very soon after that...
My grandmother got even more fucked up because of that...
Before 7 months my brother got killed...
Well he was grandson of my grandfathers (dad's dad) sister...
He got killed in Wienna, Austria...
I tried to kill myself again, sadly failed again...
My life was just keep getiing worse and worse...
So yeah that's all about my life i guess...
My life sucks and i will try to kill myself again and again until i finally succeed...
Please let me tell you something now, i don't need friend because i learned a lesson, i know who friends are and i don't need them at all, i would rather be alone...
All i was looking for was a true friend, girl that i will date, that will be my true family, that i will talk to all day and all night, that i will be with forever but i give up i just can't anymore...
It's stupid to look for someone who have no life like me i mean there is no one and even if there is a girl like me she would hate me too...
I am done and all i want is to end this pain...
I will end this pain because i am just tired of this sick world...
If someone want to talk to me my email adress is [email protected] and use same email adress to message me on hangouts, my skype is live:vladodj1999_3, that's all social media that i have...
By the way you can't really find me on skype so don't even try i don't use it a lot anyway...
Message me or email me ONLY if you need my help, i will give my best, i will help you as much as i can and then you will just leave, you will forget about me and it will be over forever...
Bye and thanks...