Notes

i dont know why everything i said she thinks that im controlling her, its like she didnt want me in her life, its like she just push me away, im sad u know, i try to change for her, i try to change frm being mad to being rational, i even change that i wont have a say anymore on what she shouldnt do, i dont know its still not enough, i love her u know but my pain is greater now each and everyday, its like all she want is being single, maybe i was wrong by wanting to call too much that she feels she dont have a life..

but the fact is i really want to change, i stop asking or demanding it, but u know what happen, i just talk with her normally n say that i dont want her to sleep on the korean guy shoulder even if she is tired, thats normal coz they go together like one on one eventhough its unpurpose ofcourse i still feel jealous

but dont get it that everything i say,which was a normal thing to say for a couple, to be a bit worried, n she just go mad n beserk n accuse me controlling her again? i dont know dear god what to do anymore, its like she just want to be single n no one say anything no one worry about her, im sad im really sad it hurt me u know coz im doing my best, she just knock me down just because i said normal things like that...

whats the point of the relationship if she dont want me to say anything at all, to remind each other is normal, to remind each other is just being care to each other, to worry is normal too like a mother worries about their child, but if i cant even say anything if i cant even be happy, if i cant even express my feelings n all of it taken as controlling, whats the point of having this relationship..
its the same as being single

i have her now, i care bout her, i love her, i always try to support her, i always try to make her happy, but if this goes on, if i cant even remind her of anything without causing fights, i dont know if i can carry on, my hearts aching it is destroyed... but im hoping that she will realise this, i hope that she can see it, im not being controlling, im not anymore, im not even mad if she go out all day or night, as long she remember to comeback for me as long as she takecare of herself from the predators of the world the opportunist, im going to be fine... i really hope my mita can accept me as i am.. if i express worry doesnt mean that i force u ask u what to do, its normal for couple to be worry.. she couldve just say yes n encourage me that she wont dont worry or smth but idk what happen she always think negative of me as if im doing it to force her guide her ask her what to do..
im tired, really tired n im not afraid to admit i was wrong before this, that is why i want to change... im scared that ur being negative to me that im controlling gonna ruin everything for us, again the 3rd day, i was happy i was really happy then i get sad n blame for something u think i did

if she was in the situation that im in, i know that she will remind me jgn nakal jgn itu ini, coz thats normal n i will be reacting normally to coz its normal for couple to be concern.. that means they love u they care and they dont want anything bad happen to u, why cant she just think of this...
instead of me being controlling, please send help, i dont know what to do anymore, im really lost while u are lost in fun n happiness, im lost in my heart trying figure out what i do wrong this time... all my life i ve been searching for a girl that can understand me that love me like u did, but im scared, im really scared that that girl is disappearing n going away... its because of doubt about my trust in her, its about what i feel n what i try to express, its slowly fading away n im scared, im really scared, im scared that i can even say anything to u anymore without u taking it negatively, i forgive u for what u did, why cant u just forgive me for what i did, n move on, n just start new... without looking at my wrongs in the past to hurt me in the present, i just want my mita back, my understanding mita, my lovely funny dorky mita... i really want us to work, i swear, maybe she havent been in my situation thats why she dont understand...

Dear god, please help me get through this please help me survive this pain, please open her eyes that im not that person anymore, please remove the negativity that makes her thinks ill of me, i just want to be happy for her, for myself for us.. aamiin