Notes

Hello, my name is Vladimir Čupka nice to meet you...
Not really but whatever...
Who cares, right?
We don't have middle names here, you can call me Vlad or Vlado...
I am just one weird, crazy, depressed, sad, suicidal, unwanted and unloved person...
I don't care about anything or anyone and no one cares about me...
I sadly do have some people in my life but they hate me and i hate them...
I am born on 26th of october, 1999. in small and poor country in South Eastern Europe called "Serbia"...
I got born in poor family that hated me from the beginning...
Thanks to them i learned a lesson that true family is someone who loves, likes, accepts and respect us for what we really are...
Well anyway that means i don't really have a family but i don't even care...
They can't even be called my family because they never were my family and they never will be...
They treat me like shit since i got born...
Like i said true family is someone who loves, likes, accepts and respect us for what we really are...
I am not Serbian at all, my family roots are Czech, Hungarian, Croatian and German...
But yeah i would call myself Yugoslavian because all ex Yugoslavia nations are South Slavs...
So anyway i am South Slav or Yugoslavian...
Because i am mostly Croatian...
I am against all kinds of hate, racism, discrimination, nationalism, violence, etc.
Let me tell you story of my life...
It sucks trust me but the funny thing is everything is true and i deserved everything of those stuff...
This is a true story so please listen carefully...
My dad married my mom just to have kids that will be like him and he hated her since he met her...
He is an ass and i do hate him soo fucking much...
Well not as much he does hates me but anyway...
Since i got born i have problems with pooping and peeing, that never changed, even now sometimes i do poop in my underwear and i pee in bed when i sleep...
I had and i still do have a lot of problems with my health and it's not going to get better...
I know that i am just a big baby and that i forever will be but it is not my fault!
I mean i know everything is mostly my fault and i do fuck up everything but my body just sucks in so many ways...
When i got born and my dad realised that i look like her he started hating us even more...
I do hate everyone and everything, i don't trust anyone and i never will but at least i try not to hurt people like him...
After i got born he started to beat her up, abuse her and do a lot of bad things to us...
About two weeks after i got born she left him to live with her parents...
If you can't get it why it is because she was done with him, his sickness and him being fucked up...
Yeah i won't lie to you i am fucked up like him, i am sick and because of my life i got even more fucked up, broken and sick...
I don't expect people to understand anything of this but i want you to understand that it is too late for me, no one can't really help me so please don't even try...
That is nice if you want to help and everything but no thanks i am fine, i learned how to live like this and deal with everything on my own...
I love being alone rather then being with anyone...
My feelings are just soo fucked up...
I have a lot of mental and physical issues...
My mood can change easily for no reason...
I shake a lot...
I am nervous, scared and worried almost all the time...
Anyway we lived there for few weeks and then my grandparents (dad's parents) came to ask my mom to go back to him...
They did that only because at that time they kinda liked me, he didn't cared at all for us but yeah she loved him so she came back to him...
Okay so they liked me only because i was their only grandson at that time, you know someone who they need turn into someone who they could actually like...
Again if you wonder why, well because at that time i was the only one who they could leave everything that they have...
Another funny thing is they won't leave me anything, except the hate of course...
About one year later my grandfather (mom's dad) died from cancer...
Funny thing is that if my mom die from cancer i can be sure that i will too!
Chances for me to get a cancer are really big because everything is getting fucked up, i mean my health and everything so yeah - yay i will finally die!
Everything was same for few years my dad hated my mom and me, he did a lot of bad things to us but since my mom's dad died she knew that she can't go there anymore, her mom wouldn't let her so she didn't had where to go but at the same time she believed that he will change...
I had a surgery when i was about 3 years old, i had some problems with my balls... After surgery doctor said that chances for me to have kids are really low, i guess then my dad hated me even more...
December, 14th, 2003. i got brother and my mom was right my dad changed when my brother got born, he hated us even more and his parents started to hate us even more too...
My brother is same as dad, he is like younger version on him (sadly)...
My dad loves my brother since he got born and he started to hate my mom and me even more, he thought my mom will leave again with me and leave my brother to him...
My parents, brother and i moved to our own house...
We lived there but nothing ever changed...
Well i wanted to be dead at that time and i was telling them that a lot but they never really cared...
Since i started going to school i just got a lot more problems to deal with, i got bullied all the time and i never had any friends...
Well i didn't had any true friends just few fake friends...
So they can't be and shouldn't be called friends at all but whatever...
But all friends are fake as fuck anyway...
I don't need anyone at all, i love being alone because i won't get hurt...
When i was about 12 years old i had 6 surgeries, something were wrong with my kidney and it got complicated...
I almost died, i was in hospital for 6 months and at that time i realised that i am depressed and suicidal...
We moved again and at that time i had my first and only "girlfriend"...
She was just fake friend that was little bit too close to me and did some "things" that usually friends don't do but she wasn't really my girlfriend...
She lived about 2 minutes away from our house, i dated her only because she said she likes me, i thought it is true...
All day and almost all night i had to listen to my parents fight and talk about a lot of stuff so i thought it is better for me if i date this girl just not to be forever alone...
I mean what is love!?
There is no love ad life sucks as fuck!
Before i dated her i kinda liked her younger sister that was 6 years younger then me, she did liked me but she told that to her parents so they told me to stay away from her...
Well my "girlfriend" was younger then me 1 year, since we started dating i didn't know who she really is but later i found it out...
She lied me, dated a lot of guys, did "stuff" for money, used and abused me...
She was almost like my "family" and they knew that, that is why they loved her a lot...
They wanted me to date someone who will treat me like them or even worse...
We broke up after some time and after that i again didn't had anyone, i had a lot of online "relationships" but yeah it was always same: girl cheated on me, lied on me, used and abused me...
Of course a lot of relationships ended because i wasn't good enough, because we are soo different, because she can't really understand me or i don't even know i do something wrong as always and she just leaves...
I am also like Alan Harper if you ever have been watching "Two And A Half Men" after some time with me everyone people start to hate me...
My grandmother died (mom's mom) and soon after that my parents got divorced...
My brother and i had to live with our dad but we got back to granparents...
My mom lived with her brother some time, she had a lot of boyfriends, she never talked to us, she forgot about us...
She finally was happy, she was free and she enjoyed her life...
I wish she never really had kids that will destroy her life...
She got married after 6 months and divorced 1 year after that...
At this time i was drinking a lot to get away from this sick world...
I started stealing, being a bad guy and i had a lot of fake friends...
I tried to kill myself for the first time, sadly i failed...
My granfather died very soon after that...
My grandmother got even more fucked up because of that...
Before 7 months my brother got killed...
Well he was grandson of my grandfathers (dad's dad) sister...
He got killed in Wienna, Austria...
I tried to kill myself again, sadly failed again...
My life sucks since i got born and it just keep geting worse and worse...
So yeah that's all about my life i guess...
My life sucks and i will try to kill myself again and again until i finally succeed...
Please let me tell you something now, i don't need friends because i learned a lesson, i know who friends are and i don't need them at all, i would rather be alone...
We can be fake friends but only for some whort time and that is it!
All i was looking for was a true friend, girl that i will date, that will be my true family, that i will talk to all day and all night, that i will be with forever but i give up i just can't anymore...
It is stupid to look for someone who have no life like me i mean there is no one and even if there is a girl like me she would hate me too...
I can't and i don't want to destroy anyone's life just because it will make me feel better and because i will be finally happy...
I am done and all i want is to end all of this pain...
I will end this pain because i am just tired of this sick world...
If someone want to talk to me my email adress is [email protected] and use same email adress to message me on hangouts, my skype is live:vladodj1999_3, that's all social media that i have...
By the way you can't really find me on skype so don't even try i don't use it a lot anyway...
Message me or email me ONLY if you need my help, i will give my best, i will help you as much as i can and then you will just leave, you will forget about me and it will be over forever...
Bye and thanks...