Notes

If the other sections were good enough reason why I only want the most trusted people to see this, then this will explain why. This is the only current event in my life, and if I'm correct, Nadine is going to hate me so much after this. Remember that guy who wouldn't take part in dissing Nadine, well he started becoming a big topic between Nadine and me. This is really hard for me to talk about so I'll probably be a big vague. Anyway, there was something we talked about that affected me alot. We talked about Tom and Niall like usual, but then she said I was acting really gay for them. Then we started talking about the guy, let's call him Axel. (This is so only Nadine would know who he is, and any good friends of Nadine. Also, Axel himself probably would know its him) She said that I was probably really gay for Axel because we always talk about him. I had such an awkward reaction because I didn't know what to say. For some reason, this stuck with me, and I don't know why. It tormented me that she though I liked her male friend. Well, I started thinking about him more, and something developed inside me. I had feelings for him that weren't normal. Fuck it, I'll just be honest and say I had a crush on him. I don't know why but it just started to happen. If you paid attention, you could see the exact day where my feelings changed for him. It was weird to me. I liked girls, but for some reason Axel was different. I began to see if i had other feelings for different people, then I saw myself thinking some guys were hot. It was weird for me to think that since I didn't want to be gay, so I kept fighting myself about it. I want to say it started with Tom and Niall, so I started pushing back from them. I wouldn't respond the same way I used to because I was worried I would too "gay". I worried a lot about it, and even asked Nadine if I sounded gay sometimes. Anyways, someone thought I was and decided to tease me about, (the pic they took in DC) but it didn't hurt me as much as Nadine saying I probably was. It was a joke with her, but for some reason, it became a reality to me.