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Nothing had changed except for myself and my actions and because of that, 3 months later I am now hitting my rock bottom.. All of the right things/good things I had going for me I threw away.. I pushed away my home,family,and friends. I started allowing myself to be unreliable, lazy, and unmotivated.
I left myself go mentally,physically, and emotionally to a point to where i am now trying to pick up the pieces and pull myself back together from this disaster that I have created.. I haven't been home in 3+ weeks and it hurts so much knowing iv'e pushed my family so far away and knowing that going home will mean a whole bunch of other obstacles for me to face that i am not ready for... I miss everyone so much but im so scared that i am not going to be welcomed with open arms anymore..
So much i need to accomplish with such a heavy mind its driving me insane.. I dont know what to do anymore because it hurts so bad.. and even then its not like i dont know what to do because i DO know what to do, it just feels like this ginormous block sitting in the way of everything. Cause even when i do get things done i don feel any sense of accomplishment its just done...
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