Notes

I keep disappointing everyone and myself, I’ve pretty much given up on everything and just want to sleep. I can only hope that someday my life changes for the better, and could start from scratch, as I have a lot that I could offer as a brand new person, I know myself pretty damm well, but I cannot keep living like this, with these people, who, I don’t recognize anymore.
I used to be proud of calling them my family, but now, I just want to disappear. All the lies, the hate, the manipulation, the ignorance... it makes me feel more sad everyday for them.
A manipulating, compulsive liar, that is not even aware of themselves... that’s my mother.
A stone cold, ignorant, selfish, with authority problems... that’s my older brother.
A fake, TOO DREAMY, like seriously, he’s not even aware that he’s not even that talented because everyone in my fake family, faked liking everything he did, so he now lives a life thinking he’s the shit, with everyone else silently faking a smile... that’s my middle brother.
And my... I don’t even know, who the fuck cares... my mothers boyfriend that lives in our house so my mother has an excuse to get the money off him like “you have to put the money for the house cause you’re not single anymore”, he’s very stupid by the way... and my mother is the first girlfriend he’s ever had... and now i understand why...
So yeah, now I live my days trying to get over school, not doing any homework cause I’m too lazy for that shit, so I get like straight A’s in my exams but I go down to F’s because of the homework.
Then try to eat the same shit I eat everyday, cause there’s not enough money to buy anything else, and then I try to relax by disconnecting off my “reality” by watching some random ass videos on YouTube.
Then I try to sleep as much as I can because, I literally have nothing else to do... I don’t have friends to hang out with, because the only “best friend” I have is girl, who’s a manipulating, compulsive liar, that really just wants my fucking dick... I’m gay by the way... and she knows... but she doesn’t give a fuck... cause she doesn’t even respect my sexuality.
Now that I think about it... maybe i attract a lot of people like that in my life don’t I? My “mother” my “best friend”.