Notes

jason.. i seriously am having a really bad time up here. i thought i’d have a good time and enjoy it up here visiting but i truly honestly don’t. i’m still being bullied by my brother. laughed at in front of his friends and humiliated and embarrassed. and my dad laughs too. it haunts me that they do this because nobody up here wants to see me. they’re not happy to see me. they’re not laughing with me they’re laughing at me. i’m having more difficult issues and i seriously don’t wanna stay here. i cry myself to sleep and hope that this pain goes away. not just from us but from my family. not everyone here wants to see me. they see me as a joke. they see me as nothing and treat me like that. i hope you know i’m not complaining to you, i’m opening up and being real with you because that’s all you ever ask. i’m still being treated badly here. the more i get treated like shit here the more i would rather live there and never come back. i want to start a future with you, i want to be with you for the rest of my life and i don’t see myself without you. i’m not sure what i’d do without you. but this has been bothering me for the past couple of days. i really don’t want to say this, i don’t. but it needs to be said and done. i think we should try and be friends. not for long but just until i get back down there. i am beyond done with you shutting me out and not here to support me when i truly need you. boyfriends are supposed to be there for their girlfriend whenever. and you aren’t. i can’t keep crying myself to sleep because you do that and my family makes fun of me. this is why i can’t take it here anymore. this is why i feel ugly and insecure. but you jason, you take it all away and make it better. i need to just try and be your friend, and if that doesn’t work out and we both can’t do it, then we will have to make changes. you will need to stop shutting me out when i’m messing with you and you take things literal and serious. and when i’m not you don’t work things out with me. it hurts so badly when you do. all i do is overthink when you shut me out. i love you so much and i always will. always, no matter what. but we need to do something with this relationship or it’s gonna continue to get toxic. if you don’t like shutting me out then you need to talk things out with me. i’m always here to talk. but you aren’t. i never shut you out. i don’t even think i ever have. i don’t think i ever will or need to. please understand that just because we try and be friends for awhile, it doesn’t mean my love for you will change. it’ll always stay the same. i just hope that we can both wait for eachother, i love you and i seriously hope you understand.