Notes

when i was little i didn't think that gender was a big deal. i never thought it mattered whether you were a boy or a girl. i recognized people for their personalities, i never that " oh that one girl " or " yeah, that one guy ". their gender was usually never my first thought. when i was little i was always told i was a girl ( understandable ). but when i went through puberty i started to come into my own, i wanted to go by they/ them pronouns. presenting myself as a girl didn't make me happy, and i always felt uncomfortable when people recognized me as a female. i always corrected people on pronouns but people were always saying things like " no we knew you when you were little, you were a girl. " i get that. they're wondering why i changed, but i just don't understand why people are never willing to listen when i try to explain my actions. i hated myself for the longest time, i tried to change myself. i always got paranoid, because i thought people were talking negatively about me behind my back. just because i didn't want to be recognized as a boy, or a girl. i started to feel self conscious because puberty was doing it's job, and i started to develop a more feminine voice and characteristics. i felt like a freak, like i was gross. but one day my teacher gave me a good talking-to, because i tried skipping gym AGAIN. she just let me know that.. i really just just learn to stop caring. to only be concerned with the the people who did care about me thought. i didn't need to change for anyone, especially those who were just trying to disregard whatever i had to say and replace that with their own " logic ". now i'm in a new school, i have friends! people who are actually listening and trying to use the right pronouns. they don't put me down for it, but of course there will always be people who disagree with what i do and even make fun of me for it. but you know what.. who cares? i'm just fine on my own and if i do end up changing in the future, then that's okay. life is one big journey and i don't mind if this is just a phase, if so then i don't mind. for now i'm happy with myself and the choices i'v made.