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I hate how I spent all of highschool, swooning over one girl or the other, never even being considered in the slightest, how I hardly had any friends until the last 3 years of highschool (guess I was a weird kid and it kind of escalated from there), how I swooned over one girl or the other and they always more or less politely told me that they weren't interested in the slightest.
I hate how I just basically gave up on university because I was so depressed over the fact that I was a virgin, that I made every excuse in the book, saying things like "No point in blitzing through uni only to be a lonely 9-5 office drone, this is the place to learn about these kinds of things". How I spent 12 semesters going almost nowhere, playing video games almost every free second because whenever I did muster up the courage to socialize, it ended up being me and a whole bunch of other (male) computer science students with maybe 1 or 2 girls who were usually someone's girlfriend. I hate how the fact that someone is good at programming seemingly correlates with a complete lack of success with girls.
I hate that I tried so hard and so long to find a healthy circle of friends that didn't consist of even more nerds (which I actually managed!) only to still be rejected over and over again. I hate how I am good enough as a friend but seemingly broken in the sexual attraction department. I hate how cliché that is.
I hate that I actually managed to find a girlfriend but she doesn't hold up to basically any standard. I love her and sometimes she elevates me, but an equal amount of time she just pulls me down. I hate how she switches from adorable and caring to aggressive, controlling, insulting and even violent at times at the blink of an eye just because of one wrong word. I love that she kicked my ass to find an apprenticeship
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