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2. very quickly turns to intense irritation with surroudings, noises, objects, people.
3. Physical feeling of heavyness, steel hat and mask over eyes, cantlift eye lids open, total dispair and helpless. In torture chamber. increased labured breathing. need to shut eyes. Like in a vice. Mind racing, but then racing with no thoughts. slow breaths.
4. WANT to die... quick method. Gun to head. To end pain of mental torture and physical reaction.
5. Then start to well up with tears and sob. Usually comforted by Mother. If she wasnt there I would die.
6. Crying and numbness. Inability to move physically. Crawl into feotal position and want the heavy ness to go.
7. All the while I try to sound lucid and verbalise how Im feeling. but feel because I can do that people dont beleive the pain Im in.
8. calm down, depressed,fed up but heavyness lifts. Breath slow.
9. why me, why am I afflicted with sudden mood changes and irritabilty changes. Manic depression plagues me. Feelworthless, useless,unable to be a normal person mentally.
10. Try and remember all of this to record how Im feeling.
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