Look. I miss you. I really do. I miss our little stupid talks. I miss you looking for me in a crowd. I miss our laughs. I miss how you would randomly text me. What went wrong? When I first met you, I have to be honest, I wasn't very fond of you. Our first interactions were forced. We were forced to sit next to each other in every class, forced to work in partners together, forced to make a friendship. You didn't have any friends then. And I didn't know who my friends were at the time. I wanted a fresh start. A fresh start with someone who doesn't know me. Who doesn't know my past. I'm sure you were lonely. I was too. So we started to talk on our own free will. Sure it was awkward small talk at first, but I loved it. I quickly learned your personality and you quickly learned mine. We didn't share that many deep, personal things with each other, but that was fine. It would have come with time if we got closer. You would accidentally say something a bit too personal for you and you would quickly cover it up. I tried to keep that conversation going and let you know that you could tell me. But you didn't like talking about your feelings. That's fine. I quickly adjusted to that. I made you get Snapchat as a way to communicate outside of school. Always after school, you would text me a simple "Hey". Our conversations didn't last long, but it always brightened my mood whenever you texted me. You would merely ask me what I'm doing and such, but I looked forward to it. Our conversations evolved eventually into something more meaningful. They were longer and had more feeling. These daily texts were throughout the day. One day, we barely texted each other, but just around 10 at night, I get a text from you. It read "Good night". I also said goodnight. Every night from that text he said goodnight to me, even when we didn't talk that day at all. But he still remembered to text me two simple words that mean so much. Soon, I started to wake up to "Good morning" texts each time I woke up. This got me thinking. I was the last one he thought of before he went to bed, and the first he thought of when he awoke. It made me feel important and cared for. In class, we were growing more friendlier. He would talk to me a lot for the pure reason just to talk with me. He defended me when I got embarrassed. I was on the verge of crying when he shielded me. And I silently thanked him, and he understood. Musical was coming up, and he urged me to audition. Being an introvert, I naturally didn't want to. But, he assured me it would be a fun time. So I agreed purely because of him. He helped me remember my audition lines, and how to say them. When I got a speaking role, we were overly happy. He helped me remember those lines too. Soon, he started talking with Austin along with me. We were all best friends. We would all hang out together all the time. My life was looking up. We hung out during the summer in South Dakota. You were introduced to streaks on Snapchat. This means there were no more "Good morning" or Good night" texts. Yes, I missed them and I will always, it was fine because we still hung out. We were all in a van together. We were together then all the time. Something happened this year when school started again. I can't tell you what. The conversations decreased so fast, I couldn't stop it. Austin and you were so close that I was and am out of the picture. Sure we have painfully awkward small talk, but its just forced now. Yeah we hang out, but Austin is always there. That's the only reason why I'm even invited is because of Austin. There's no more texts, no more laughs, no more anything. When we hang out, it is like I'm the third wheel. Useless. Unwanted. I am just waiting until you will stop talking to me fully. I dread that, but it's coming. God, it's coming. I wish I could read our old texts but I didn't save them, thinking that there was a lot more to come. Some days I have this urge to text you. To text you what's been happening in my life. To have a deep conversation with you. To tell you how much I've missed you. But, then I remember that you are done with me. You don't care about me. I realized that I was in love with you. I can't stand your absence. The loneliness. The void that is in my heart. That hollowness you created when you easily stepped out of my life. I miss you.
