Notes

<wtf_igo> hey
<oceanic-field> Hi
<oceanic-field> I think ill have to go seek professional help..
<wtf_igo> so describe everything from the trip until this point to me
<oceanic-field> Well the trip was intense
<oceanic-field> And a week after i started having insomnia, was depressed, unmotivated, not able to get out of the bed
<oceanic-field> As if i stopped recognizing my enviroment
<oceanic-field> And now i really dont feel like myself, like i dont have my thoughts
<oceanic-field> And i did too much research so that was a mistake
<wtf_igo> its okay
<oceanic-field> I dont want to be changed forever into a worse version of myself
<wtf_igo> you havnt done
<wtf_igo> go through the trip itself for me
<wtf_igo> what happened?
<oceanic-field> Well i had really strong hallucinations
<oceanic-field> Talking to aliens, being on a spaceship, travelling through space
<wtf_igo> what did the aliens have to say?
<oceanic-field> But then i got scared and was told that im not gonna come down ever again and that i ruined everything, i saw policemen coming and shit
<oceanic-field> And now im just worried the trauma is too strong to get over
<wtf_igo> yeah like
<wtf_igo> that experience is way more common that you might think
<oceanic-field> I know
<wtf_igo> especially if you are not expecting it
<wtf_igo> let me tell you about my second ever trip
<wtf_igo> was on mushrooms
<wtf_igo> you wanna hear it?
<oceanic-field> Yeah
<oceanic-field> Acutally i dont know
<wtf_igo> it had a pretty similar out come to the way you are feeling so you might find it relecant
<oceanic-field> Might make me feel worse
<wtf_igo> but it has a happy ending
<wtf_igo> okay well we dont have to
<oceanic-field> Really
<wtf_igo> here is the thing
<oceanic-field> Happy ending would be nice
<wtf_igo> you are worried you have damaged yourself permenantly right
<oceanic-field> Because i cannot do anything i could do before so im really scared
<oceanic-field> Yes
<wtf_igo> I can promise you here and now that you havnt
<oceanic-field> Alright
<wtf_igo> and the thing that is holding you back the most right now is the worry
<oceanic-field> I just dont want to bear this anymore
<wtf_igo> do you get me?
<oceanic-field> Yes but its a cycle i cannot break
<wtf_igo> you can
<oceanic-field> I do
<wtf_igo> so trips like that
<oceanic-field> I dont know how
<wtf_igo> like there is nothing else that can explain it
<wtf_igo> it is a shock to the system
<wtf_igo> fully
<oceanic-field> Yes
<wtf_igo> so you could think of it sort of like a trauma
<wtf_igo> but it really isnt
<oceanic-field> I think it is
<wtf_igo> its just an experience that you went through
<wtf_igo> it is in a way
<wtf_igo> but its not like
<wtf_igo> PTSD or something
<oceanic-field> I cannot function like i used to and yeah, im scared im damaged forever and changed
<wtf_igo> you can
<wtf_igo> 100% you can
<wtf_igo> you are not the first to go through this and you wont be the last
<wtf_igo> and everyone comes out okay in the end
<oceanic-field> Im just angry at myself
<wtf_igo> the hardest part is accepting that this happened
<oceanic-field> Because i dont feel like me
<wtf_igo> and letting go of it
<oceanic-field> It is
<oceanic-field> But i want to live like i used to and im not sure if i ever wi
<oceanic-field> Will
<wtf_igo> see you are doing it again
<oceanic-field> I am
<wtf_igo> "im not sure if I will be normal again"
<wtf_igo> but you already are normal
<oceanic-field> Because my mind does it the whole day
<wtf_igo> you are just worrying that you are not
<oceanic-field> I might need a professional
<wtf_igo> if you feel more comfortable with a professional
<wtf_igo> then there is no shame or harm in going to one
<oceanic-field> There are all these things i read on my mind the whole day
<wtf_igo> like what
* oceanic-field has quit (Quit: http://tripsit.me/ - Harm Reduction Through Education)
<wtf_igo> you there?
* oceanic-field :No such nick/channel
<wtf_igo> you there?
<oceanic-field> Yes
<wtf_igo> so tell me
<wtf_igo> whats going through your brain
<oceanic-field> Like a loop
<wtf_igo> right
<oceanic-field> Of random things and songs and feeling bad
<wtf_igo> give me more detail
<wtf_igo> tell you what
<wtf_igo> tell me the full story
<oceanic-field> When i am falling asleep there are random things popping up
<wtf_igo> from start to finish
<oceanic-field> Theres too much
<wtf_igo> of you picking up the lsd, what was on your head that made you want to take it.,
<wtf_igo> well I got time
<wtf_igo> take a breath
<wtf_igo> and start from the beginning
<oceanic-field> I have to do something for school
<wtf_igo> step by step
<wtf_igo> well if you want to come back later
<wtf_igo> or if you prefer
<oceanic-field> Thats the worst thing
<wtf_igo> what is?
<oceanic-field> I have to keep doing things but i have no energy
* oceanic-field has quit (Client Quit)
<wtf_igo> tell you what
* oceanic-field :No such nick/channel
<wtf_igo> tell you what
* oceanic-field :No such nick/channel
<wtf_igo> tell you what
* oceanic-field :No such nick/channel
<wtf_igo> tell you what
<wtf_igo> ill give you some reading
<wtf_igo> you go and get your school work done
<wtf_igo> and you can read up on these things later
<wtf_igo> then if you like you can come back here and we can talk about it
<wtf_igo> or if you prefer
<wtf_igo> you can go to a therapist
<wtf_igo> im not a therapist
<wtf_igo> just someone who has seen this often times before
<wtf_igo> everyone comes out alright in the end
<oceanic-field> Yeah i know. Im just scared there something permanently wrong with me, because im young
<wtf_igo> will be the same to you
<wtf_igo> how old are you?
<wtf_igo> you can be honest
<oceanic-field> It was a mistake
<wtf_igo> mistakes happen
<wtf_igo> we all make them
<oceanic-field> But i dont want to carry it around forever
<wtf_igo> you wont
<wtf_igo> wait
<wtf_igo> are you the same guy?
* oceanic-field has quit (Client Quit)
<wtf_igo> are you the same guy?
* oceanic-field :No such nick/channel
<wtf_igo> are you the same guy?
* oceanic-field :No such nick/channel
<wtf_igo> are you the same guy?
* oceanic-field :No such nick/channel
<wtf_igo> are you the same guy?
* oceanic-field :No such nick/channel
<wtf_igo> are you the same guy?
<wtf_igo> on the year abroad?
<oceanic-field> What guy?
<wtf_igo> in highschool on the year abroad?
<wtf_igo> been here a few times before
<wtf_igo> you might as well be honest as can have admin look up your ip
<oceanic-field> Im not
<wtf_igo> okay sorry never mind then
<wtf_igo> how old did you say you were?
<wtf_igo> it doesnt matter i just want some perspective
<oceanic-field> Young young
<oceanic-field> Very young
<wtf_igo> well what is very young
<wtf_igo> be specific
<oceanic-field> 16
<wtf_igo> okay
<wtf_igo> 16 is young
<oceanic-field> Yeah..
<wtf_igo> but its not so young that you will have caused permenant damage
<wtf_igo> it just makes it harder to deal with
<wtf_igo> but only a little
<oceanic-field> I just stressed myself out so much
<wtf_igo> yeah well
<wtf_igo> who is in control of your mind?
* oceanic-field has quit (Client Quit)
<oceanic-field> That im never gonna be me and these are all signs of mental problems
<oceanic-field> en
<wtf_igo> no answer the question
<wtf_igo> who is in control of your mind?
<oceanic-field> I am, but now i feel like i am not
<wtf_igo> you always are
<oceanic-field> I am but i let it slip
<oceanic-field> Too far
<wtf_igo> no you didnt
<oceanic-field> I need help coming back
<wtf_igo> well then if you feel like that
<wtf_igo> you should seek professional help
<oceanic-field> Yes
<oceanic-field> I know
<oceanic-field> But i wanted to do this myself, i just dont know hos
<oceanic-field> How
<wtf_igo> but I wouldnt worry
<wtf_igo> professional therapy will work very well for you
* oceanic-field has quit (Client Quit)
<oceanic-field> Do you think i really havent caused a permanent change?
<wtf_igo> im certain
<oceanic-field> Because this month has been hell
<wtf_igo> you are driving yourelf crazy thats why
<oceanic-field> Really
<wtf_igo> yes
<wtf_igo> hey mate
<wtf_igo> have you been here before?