Notes

Dear Jared,
I apologise greatly for how long this is but I just needed to stress what you have helped me through. If you like I have indented where you can skip too. My name is Megan Townsend and I know you probably wont have the time to read this but I just wanted to thank you. I am going through a really rough time for myself right now. I'm only 15 so I guess it can't be that bad but 2016 was such a terrible year for me. My parents are divorced and have been since I was very young so generally I haven't really had a problem other than the fact one of my older brothers always blamed it on me and told me if I hadn't been born then they'd still be together and happy.. But In 2016 Me and my dad were talking and he slipped out with the real reason that he and my mother split up. So my mother and him split up because she cheated on him with another man, and to hear that broke my heart so bad. I didn't speak to her for around a week? and if I did it was very blunt. But this really affected me because the person my mother cheated on my father with was her boss, and when we first met him he was kinda cool but it was a little weird which is understandable, But after a while he started to buy me and my brother stuff, But my brother really did not trust him because of how the divorce affected him. But it got to a point where my mum wanted to move in with him which meant we had to too, and after a few months of living with him me and and older brother James had realised who he actually was.. He was a very childish man, who has kids of his own. But me and James really didn't get along with him and we knew he was poison to our mum but we had to stay quiet because she was happy. He basically acted like a big child who caused arguments with me and my brother but when my mother came into the room made it look like we were yelling at him not because of him, and I remember when Boss (That's what we called him, His name was Andrew but so is our dads name) and my mum broke up for the first time. I was so happy. I hated his kids and I hated him. He would treat his kids better than us which to a certain extent is understandable but he would often say to me and James ''You aren't my kids im not here to spoil you'' which sucked because we were only kids. i'm now 15 and my brother is 17. I remember when they first broke up. I was so happy I actually couldn't believe it. But it got worse. My mum was living in his house when they split up so she would have to find herself a place to live. But Boss Was a very very horrible person (i'm being very polite I could call him so much worse) and decided it was okay to sell the house while my mum was still there. My mum had a week to leave but nowhere to live. Me and my brother had to go and live with my dad for a while (turned into a year) and my mum had to live in a very rough place. I live in the UK in Wales and there are alot of bad places in Wales but where my mum had to stay she literally had her dirty clothes stolen off of her. Anyway he basically put us in the worse position and It was very hard to handle. So my mum got back on her feet and we got a nice house which we still live in today. So we were living there for a few years and she brought me and my brother into the living room and explained to us that boss had been robbed. so me and my brother replied with he deserved it, And she told us he was coming to live with us for a while and we kicked off. We hated it so bad. He tried his hardest to get us to like him but we couldn't not after what he did. We can't trust anyone because of him. but a while turned into a few years. and then we started to argue again but we spoke up more because we were getting older. I remember me and boss arguing and I was standing up and he was sat down. But I think I said something that really annoyed him and he stood up and very close to me. I can never forget this, my brother stood up and pushed me back getting in front of me in a very protective manner. I called my mum in and she saw boss stepping up to her son. so basically he got kicked out and gave me and my brother terrible trust issues. But in 2016 When my dad told me my heart broke and I couldn't handle anything. I cried and cried to myself because my mum hurt my dad. This might be a little biased but my dad is the kindest man in the world, and he had depression. He supports you and AKF a lot and thinks you are helping so many people who need and deserve it.
In 2016 I also found out that my dad has a medical disease. I can't remember what it is called but it has something to do with having to many white blood cells? so basically he shouldn't eat red meat because the more red meat he eats the closer he is to dying.. I mean my dad is 51 this year.. I know he isn't going to last as long as most peoples parents. I regret how I acted when I was told. My mother gathered me and my brother around the table with her and my dad and basically they told us that my dad has a disease and that he could die from it.. I mean that was heart breaking. I didn't know how to react I kinda just looked at my brother and we started joking because that is how we deal with situations like that. We joke. But my mum hated it she hated the fact that we were laughing and joking when she was telling us something serious. I was keeping tears in because I didn't want to cry in front of my parents. But my mum told us that its not a joke and we will regret laughing when my dad dies.. I mean that isn't something you say to a teenager..
I feel like I'm being really whiny.
Anyway further into the year around just after this Christmas My mum was rushed into hospital. I had no idea why and nobody would tell me. Well later in the day I found out that my mum had an Angina which is chest pain, discomfort, or tightness that occurs when an area of the heart muscle is receiving decreased blood oxygen supply. Which leads to a heart attack. My family has a history of heart attack..
A few weeks later I walked downstairs at around 10pm and I heard crying coming from the living room. It's only me and my mum who live in her house my brother moved in with my dad. anyway I heard crying and walked in. My mum had had a few beers and was a little tipsy. But she was crying and shaking, I walked over to her to see what was wrong and she told me that she didn't want to die. And for the first time in my life I saw my mother get angry because her parents died when she was young. god im crying. I watched her punch a picture of her dad and cry. she told me that he was the only one who believed in her. My heart is broken. I felt so bad because through the 45 years that she has been alive she only felt like one person has believed in her.. My mum has had a really rough life and If I could give my life up for the life she deserves I would in a heart beat, I tried to tell her that we can cancel down her risks of a heart attack by stopping drinking and smoking and she told me it wasn't gonna happen.. So she is basically accepting death..
I really dont want my parents to die.. I would only have my brother left and my best friend..
So My best friends name is Brady Jackson Durke.. Formally known as Ffion Mia Durke... Brady suffers with body dysphoria and is confused in himself of who he is.. Brady is going through a really rough patch at the minute where he might have PTSD and ADHD also depression.. But no one is getting him help because hes just a teenager.. And lately he has felt that bad that hes wanted to kill himself.. He used to self hard and hurt himself badly but I tried really hard to get him to stop.. I feel like This best friend thing is only one way. Like he's my best friend but im not his.
Anyway I just feel really really bad at the moment and I've recently started to self harm properly. I used to pinch my arms until they cut or bruised but now I don't know how to handle myself and I slipped into scraping my arms with sharp things until they cut. I am feeling horrible and I want you to know that you have helped me through it.. I have tried so hard to get your hoodies.. I mean they are absolutely beautiful. Brady got one and I cried because I tried for so long to get the Round Seven: Jared & Jensen Family Has Your Back and the Round four.. But my Dad didn't have the money he said he had for the round seven one and for the round four one I waited until they were officially released and when I clicked to buy one they were all sold out.. And I cried really hard because It may sound weird or creepy but you are my safe place. It sounds a lot weirder now that im writing it down. But it's true. Whenever I'm feeling like I really don't want to live or if I feel like i'm not important I just go into my phone and go down your twitter or look at your photos. But what I really like to do Is watch your talks on depression and stuff because you reassure me that im not worthless like I think I am but that I actually mean something to someone. I feel like a big baby because i'm crying while writing this.. But over all I just wanted to say Thank you.. Thank you for being there for me when nobody else was. Thank you for reassuring me that I am wanted.. And thank you for being you..
I love you and I hope you carry on in what you're doing for many more years to come
From Megan Townsend
P.S if you ever feel useless or down just know that we are always here for you, No matter what xxx