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Bahasa anda cukup santai dan mudah dimengerti.
Tetapi ada beberapa kesalahan dalam pemilihan kata. Akan lebih baik jika menggunakan bahasa tahu daripada tau.
Kedua penggunakan partikel -lah wajib digabung, seperti bacalah, apalah, dan sebagainya.
Ketiga penggunaan kata depan mohon diperhatikan. Untuk kata depan yang menunjukkan tempat wajib dipisah ( di sana, ke dalam), kecuali jika kata depan itu diikuti kata kerja maka disambung ( diberi, dimakan ).
Keempat, penggunaan kata ganti Tuhan harus menggunakan Kapital di awal huruf ( Dewa, Yang Maha Pengasih, hamba-Nya ).
Plot anda sudah bagus, hanya disempurnakan sedikit saja, semangat!
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