Notes

Hello, lilith!

I'm so sorry for your nana. I lost my grandad almost two years ago, so I kind of understand how you feel right now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it must not have been easy, but you did the right thing. Don't feel helpless, because you are not, ok?

What have you been trying? I'm still recovering, because a lot of other things happened during that period, but I can tell you what helped me coping with it. A family friend was a psychiatrist, so I reached out for him: my therapy consisted of mental exercises and medication. I was skeptical and a bit ashamed, because I thought I could solve everything on my own, but I was very wrong and my therapy worked. Have you already talked to a doctor?

Your mood says "Isolate! Withdraw!", but fight it in every way: surround yourself with supportive, enthusiastic, funny people and try to stay in touch with them. This is so important. Take painstaking care of yourself every day: put on your makeup, dress up, wash your hair. It may seem futile, I know, but it is a good habit that will make you feel better, I promise. Do not EVER punish yourself because you’re feeling sad.

Physical health is fundamental. I’m the laziest person on this planet, but working out at the gym changed my mood in such an effective way that it made me feel like medication was not necessary anymore. So a little bit of exercise every day is vital! Try not sit on the couch all day. If you don’t want to go to the gym, go for a walk (sunlight is crucial), then, or go climbing, swimming (so peaceful and relaxing) or skiing. Food is an important step towards recovery. When you’re feeling down, sometimes you don’t ever want to eat again, sometimes you could eat an entire elephant, instead: try to eat regularly (don’t skip meals), prefer food that is rich in antioxidants, Omega 3, selenium and vitamins (blueberries, broccoli, carrots, chicken, fish, grapefruit, legumes, nuts, pumpkin, seafood, seeds, spinach, strawberries, tomato, etc…). This might seem obvious, but you need to sleep correctly. I know this is hard at times, but you can do something to facilitate your sleep: go to bed/wake up at the same time every day; avoid PC or TV screens; keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet; remember to use your bed for just sleeping (and/or sex!); avoid nicotine or caffeine in the evening; do something relaxing before going to sleep (take a bath, read, etc…).

Have you got any hobbies? Cultivate them, even if you don't feel like it. Cooking class, gym, visit to a museum, watch funny TV shows and movies… I would strongly recommend volunteering: it heals you while healing others’ pain and it’s just amazing. Pets, too, are a stairway to heaven: keep your dog close, so soft and calming! Or why not volunteer at an animal shelter? Music can be a double-edged sword, but it does wonders. So go to as many concerts as possible, play an instrument and sing (singing in the car is cathartic, no kidding).

Do you like writing? How about starting a blog? Putting on paper (or the web) your thoughts helps A LOT organizing them and realizing they are not always true; not only, but you can see that they are “just” thoughts and they can be promptly defeated by action. I used to have a notebook where I wrote down all the negative ideas that crossed my mind during the day, then I counterbalanced each one putting it in a positive light and/or actually doing something about it (example: “I feel so boring and left out” --> “I have family and friends who love me” --> call/message them, propose dinner or a movie). Do not believe everything you think in this period: your life isn’t all about depression, this is just a bad chapter. Things will change, believe me.

How do schedules and planning make you feel? If you aren’t too anxious, they could gently push you to focus on your daily objectives and fulfill them more easily. You may think routine is boring, but it gives you rhythm and self-assurance.

I’m so sorry I wrote so much, but I know that some days are very tough and I want you to be ready to fight them. And win.

Lots of love, please let me know how things are going!

E.
(my email: [email protected])