I‘m so sorry. I‘ve had depression since I lost my mom years back. I was just six and a half years old. I cried a lot. I‘d shut myself in my room for hours and cry. One day, I decided to talk to a close family member about it, I cried while I was telling them how I felt. I was expecting him to tell me that everything would be ok or atleast try to cheer me up, but instead, he said I was too young to have depression (I was 12 then) and made fun of me. He even told the rest of my family and they joined him. It made my depression grow worse. It grew worse day by day. I felt like I was a loser, I felt weak, I felt like there was no way out for me. I wanted to die, I wanted to kill myself. I had so many negative thoughts, it was like my mind was about to eat me up. I took a Knife one day and wanted to stab myself to death, then I stopped and asked myself ‘what am i doing?!‘ I went to my room and cried till my head hurt, I cried for so long till I fell asleep. Then, I asked myself, ‘if I was in the situation my mom was in, would I want my kid to be miserable and crying their whole life?‘ my answer was no. I, at that time didn‘t know what to do, I read articles on the Internet on what to do, and none helped. I had totally no friends, and no one in my family wanted to be friends with the girl who cries everytime. I accepted the fact that things happen for a reason. I decided to try hobbies to keep my mind busy from thinking about the sad things in life. The hobby I chose was drawing and painting. I‘d even listen to music that made me dance, and I‘d just be painting and dancing in my room. It made me happy and I did very often. People started calling me weirdo and I wasn‘t offended. I felt it made me unique and different from eveyone, in a good way. I was always this coward, weak, and scared person but then, I decided to try improving myself. It took me a while, but bit by bit, I spoke out more, bit by bit, overcame my fears, bit by bit, I grew stronger. Everything I thought only other people could give me, I earned it on my own. With time, I grew strong, I was crying anymore, I grew more confident, I earned so many other good qualities I thought I‘d never have. I‘m stronger than I ever was. And learned to understand things better and i learned to stand taller than I‘ve ever been. I made up my mind that i was going to make my mom proud of me even if she was around. I‘d think of happy things in my mind, and even watch funny videos. My happiness grew to a pUoint I‘d even forget to cry. I‘d sit down sometimes and think of things were when I wanted to die,etc and compare it to now, to how great things got when i thought nothing was going to change. And I‘d be happy at how far I‘d come. I still remember mom, but I‘m sure she‘s in a happier place, and that‘s what comforts me. The things I thought I needed from others (like strength, happinessnes,etc) I earned them by myself he hard way. One thing‘s for, Life‘s gonna keep throwing things our way, some worse than the other, we could either let it break us or we could decide to take a stand and face them. Trust me, it isn‘t possible to run away from our problems, we just keep adding to the ones we already have. Sometimes, it feels hard to but it‘s always best to atleast try, because if we don‘t, who will. Some people may try to help with your depression but the real healing comes from you, because you own your mind and your thoughts and you feel every emotion depression comes with. And trying to help someone who refuses to be helped is extremely hard. I hope i could help, even a little bit. I truly wish you the best.
