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Plot kalian bagus, dengan diksi yang cukup sempurna dari fusa dan bahasa ringan dari airi cukup membawa saya ke dalam cerita.
Tetapi ada beberapa kesalahan yang sebaiknya diperbaiki.
Yang pertama penulisan kalimat dialog sebaiknya jangan di'enter' sebelum selesai, seperti yang ada di gambar. Karena jika dibeda paragraf akan terlihat bukan satu kalimat. Begitu pula, setelah tanda petik dua huruf awal adalah huruf kecil, kecuali dalam dialog itu menggunakan tanda titik yang mengakhiri kalimat.
Penggunaan kata depan 'di' seharusnya dipisah jika diikuti nama tempat atau kata yang menunjukkan tempat. Jika diikuti dengan huruf kerja maka disambung.
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