Notes

its got to be you.... it just had to be you. Idk if its your hugs, your smile or just the smile I get when you touch me or when someone mentions you. I had no idea that it was possible to have something so great and terrible at the same time in my life until I met you. Yeah I know it sounds cheesy but that's how I felt and there's no other way to explain it. The easiest thing for me to do was for me to say Ily but when you said it I was never sure (yeah I knew u meant it but did you mean it to me??). but you smile over your shoulder on the bus or pull me closer to your chest in the halls or even have what I say in your head all day makes me feel like theres no way what we have is fake, but eventually I know it is...
Maybe I'm not the best choice or the most perfect, maybe I'm TOO sensitive or don't care enough but I thought you wouldn't care about that cause you knew we were both unstable.... now it seems like you my only weakness I cant get over. Even if I explain this to other people they would probably say "then, why do u hang with him if you know he's not right for you" but one thing they will never understand what it felt like in that moment. that one pure moment of fun we have together. Why do I wish we can just run away to paris, even though we aren't even together... but the part I can't get over is that I know your wasted or high for someone else. And there goes that thought again "just show them were better together." Why can't I control my thoughts cause months ago I swear they warned me about you, and I would say theres nothing to worry about but now you can tell them that I was happy, my heart is broken and what I thought was impossible is my virtual reality of hell. If not its close enough cause look at me your not even listening and I'm stuck talking to myself again. As I continue I still realize i don't remember what i love more the thoughts of you or you cause the light that keeps getting shined on my thoughts are becoming so dim i struggle to even think. "I just don't get it, why you enjoy being hurt "," You deseve better than him believe me", blah blah blah if only they can see that I'm in over my head so high theres no way of getting me out of it and whatever they say won't change my opinion of you..... like i said i care about you and even worse ily :)