Notes

Heya ^^
It bothers me sooo much that I can't take you out or even just bake you a cake, but I thought I might at least leave a message for you.
Happy birthday and all the best Ioana! Hope everything from now on works out and not too many stressful situations arise anymore. Uni applications will be a breeze and in the end you'll be happy with the results. I'll stand by you in all the outcomes! No matter what happens, I want to hold you, hug you, cuddle and kiss you once everything settles down.

As you probably noticed as of now, I'm somewhat new to this relationships thingy :x pretty much failing to find the words to compliment, or just being dense about most of the stuff concerning you. My mind just doesn't function properly when you're involved! I just find it hard to sometimes convey my feelings, ergo I need 5 minutes to write a 10 word statement, which usually ends up completely meaningless, as I give up trying and just feel frustrated about what I did or did not write. I often get carried away and start preaching, trying to prove my point, or even talk without consideration of what you might want and I'm trying my best not to do that... My mind just tends to wander into all the different places when talking to you :<
It's a rollercoaster of emotions ranging from sadness when you're feeling down, fear when I know something is going on and you're not responding, but mostly happiness whenever I hear your voice or even see you online. Whenever I see you start typing to me it still makes me feel fuzzy inside every single time.

Thinking about It, I don't really know how all of this happened and how two months have already passed, all I know that at some point we started talking and I thought "hey, I really like her sense of humour." Time passed, and all these sudden realisations about how much I liked you just multiplied. It wasn't however until the one night, when I had this giant lump in my throat when I finally realized I fell in love with you and finally somehow uttered the words. I knew it was wrong, bad, and selfish from me, but for the first time in my life I felt as if my heart was going to stop beating, as if I'm going to fall down a cliff, start crying from the tension but also jumping of joy.

Fast forward two months and so much happened, but it feels as if it all started yesterday. Suddenly, when I hear you talking, my heart just calms down instead of beating like a drum. I may start yawning when I'm talking to you, I may seem as if I'm quiet and bored, but in all honesty, if I could, I'd listen to you talk for the whole day. Even just knowing that you're on the other side of the call, without speaking any words would be fine. I just relax, calm down and feel as if I'm floating on a cloud whenever I hear your voice.
During each day, I so often just check my discord or skype to maybe find you online, hoping that you'll have some time to chat. Somehow you just infiltrated my thoughts and whenever I give you a slight chance you sneak up on me and remind me that I haven't thought about you in the past few minutes.
I can't even image what will happen to me once I finally get to hold you. I might melt, I might freeze or both. If I had a chance, I'd book the first train to you just to hug you. I'd take you out, bring you breakfast to bed and cuddle with you whenever you'd like. I am both anxious, scared and full of anticipation of the day when I can finally meet you for real.
I know I'm sometimes a klutz, I often don't react the way I should or end up talking about random things concerning no one but me. The same way you think about it, I don't know why someone would like a mess like me and all the baggage I carry. But no matter what kind of mess I might be at times, no matter what weird things I might say, one thing does and will hold. I love you.
I love your sense of humour, your voice and how calm you make me feel. Even though you may not admit to it, or think it false, I fully think of you as a really caring person. I just can't really find a fault in you that would bother me. I might be blind, I might be foolish, but given these two months, I still love you as I did when it all began.
I wanted to bring you a rose, bake a cake and hold you today, but I'll save all of it up for later. I'll hold you as much as you want when the time comes and won't let go unless you ask that of me. As I'm writing this, my chest feels heavy, I feel anxious and my heart is beating just thinking about what lies ahead. I start feeling sad when I feel the need to just hug you, but you're not here yet. There's so much I can't express with words...
I like, adore and love you, as shallow as the word might sound by now, I can't find a different one. I hope that you have fun on your birthday and all your wishes come true. As unimpressive as it may be, you have already seen the gift I wanted to give to you for your birthday very long ago :< I wanted to learn the song on piano for you, but I failed, it was a bit too hard for such a short time to learn. I sent a picture of the gift on skype, but really it's nothing much and I feel sad for not being able to do more. I'll promise to make good on it in the future. I'll try my best to make you happy.

I think I babbled on for long enough by now ^^. I love you, I really do. Happy birthday!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkK8g6FMEXE
Hug <3