Notes

Lily = Me
Lily has a lot of problems. Some are because of how she was born; she was born a lesbian, so she struggles more that your average person to figure out the relationship and love aspects of her life; Lily is generally a bad person, or so she thinks and can be quite manipulative, although it is never on purpose.
The main cause of a lot of her problems is her mother. She had a terrible experience, worse than anyone knows. Perhaps what happened wasn't that bad, but Lily couldn't cope with it. Now a lot of certain words, phrases and actions cause a lot of negative emotions to resurface, to the point where at times she becomes hysterical or begins to reject everything that is said to her. People sometimes get frustrated at this, which worsens her condition. She sometimes even does things her mother used to do, which makes her feel immeasurably terrible.
A lot of the time, Lily has no control over her body or thoughts. She feels like a prisoner in her own mind and wants to change but when she says she can't, it means she physically CAN'T. Since she has so little control, she also has dangerously low confidence and self-esteem. This leads to her being clingy, because she feels safer and better with other people and if she lost those people, she thinks that would be the end of her life.
She tells no-one how dangerous she really gets. She has seriously thought about whether suicide would be the best answer. She has picked up scissors and almost cut her skin and her hair. She has also thought about hurting the person who hurt her, but so far can suppress these things. Lily is terrified of herself.
She can't trust anyone. Trust is not given, earned or awarded. It just doesn't exist, and she must be wary of everyone because if she isn't, she has no idea how they may react to what she blurts out. If she can't trust herself she can't trust anyone.
She has extreme social anxiety. Lily will go to any lengths to keep her friends, but equally to keep them distanced from her. She knows if they knew the full extent of her problems, they would quickly escape, so she doesn't tell them. She just wants to feel normal and her friends help her do that.
Lily can't tell anyone these things about herself. She talks about them as if they're someone else's issues. These are only a few of the problems she has, but when you are drowning in your own ocean of issues, it's hard to pick out individual waves.