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I don't know who I am, I feel like I'm standing underneath a floor of glass, screaming and banging on it trying to get the attention of the rest of the world going about their lives without you. The problem is no-one can hear you or even knows you’re trapped there. I feel like my heart and mind are breaking. Nothing tastes, smells, or feels right and i am unable to think or make decisions—yet i still have to carry on doing all those things. And so much of the time I really just don’t have the energy or the desire. But i still carry on anyway. I believe that I just don't matter. Like the death has caught you and sucked all the goodness from me. Swimming through treacle. My Multiple emotions: fear, despair, emptiness, numbness, shame, embarrassment and an inability to recognize the fun, happy person i used to be.
Im losing the desire to partake in life. It’s like trying to breathe when you’re covered in tar. Help. I feel like im an actor playing myself—one that’s always forced to smile. It feels like tunnel vision, regardless of anything going on in your life, you can feel miserable and overwhelmed for no reason at all.
I feel,
Nothingness.
The Cancer of the soul,
Torture.
It’s just like being inside a wheel that’s spinning and spinning and you don’t know when it’s going to stop. Why am I still here?
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