Notes

hi Yuk
this is a letter for you because I don't know
maybe because you're my favorite person and I love you a lot
you make me so happy
even when being happy shouldn't be possible
even when I feel melty and hopeless inside
even when you're sad, the smile I eventually get from you makes my heart light up
you give me butterflies just by existing
Whenever I'm out I'll think, "I wonder what Yuk is doing, I wonder what we'll talk about later"
and then I get all smiley stupid and that amazing nervousness tickles my middle
I could just be walking to my computer or taking out my phone and it'll happen
thinking about you too much makes me cry, good tears,,
I mean, I started crying just writing that whoops,,
you are amazing and sweet and funny and creative and clever
and lewd, oboyo,
and i feel like i could talk with you the rest of my life and never
never ever
get tired of it
but I've learned to never consider anything permanent
especially not people
and i'm kinda numb and repressed a lot of the time, in little ways
so it's really hard to expect myself to stick around any longer than i expect someone else to
which isn't very long
and I know that, just with what i say sometimes, that worries you
it can be difficult for me register love and trust
maybe even more so when I love someone else back
it's super confusing and scary and sometimes i just wanna give up
but i'd never run away from you, okay
not without your permission i mean
even if it sounds like i'm thinking about it
i just wanted to make sure you knew that,
'cause i know i can say scary stupid things sometimes,,
i guess that's what this is about,
wanting to make sure i give you some stability
despite being all turned around right now
for those moments when you're terrified

but i mean, i'm probably a fifty-year-old dad crouched over a keyboard, so yeah whoops