Notes

date 8/09/2017
time 9:39 a.m.
first note!
kitna aasan hota h bhag jana...utna hi mushkil hota h whin ruk kr samjhna, uska soln dhundna ya srf use face krna...
jb me yaha aayi thi to socha tha ki shyd iss baar me upset ni hongi ek baar b....hum dono k respect me.
dj aara h, motee b h to shyd me akela nahi reh jaungi....lekin iss baar to dixit ne mje akela feel hone hi ni diya....me chale jana chahti thi 6th ko hi...kyuki 4 din mje bht khushi mili thi...aor khauf tha ki jyada din ruk gyi to firse mere khushi ka bubble fat jaega...esa kahin padha h mene ki agr zindagi me koi esi cheez kro jo apko naya experience dede to wo dobara ni krni chhaiye...wrna wo pal waste ho jata h...shyd me b yhi na ho isiliye blr jana chahti thi
lekin ek baat h, mje apne baare aaj ye pta chl gya ki me kitna hi complain kr lu, job k bina ya ghr bethna mjse na ho paega..itni addhuri feeling aati h...dixit k hote hue b. shyd ye faisla sahi hi tha mera bangalore aa jaana, IT job krna.
jb engg shuru ki thi na to dil me yhi aim thi ki MNC me kaam kru, wo b achi position pe... 10-15 lpa ka package ho.wo hectic life weekends pe maze bindass hokr travelling bekhauf hokr jb mann aye wo kr lena...bss ye sab na ho pa ra blr me..ghar ka no doubt bht aram hota h, sbse jyada food ka lekin khushi azaadi me hoti h bandish me ni....kbi kbi lgta h mere ma papa ne jis tarah bada kiya h mje, kya me kabhi ese pichde hue logo me reh sakti hu? kya me privacy ko sbse jyada mehatta dene wali hall me bethkar srf dusro ki baatein sun sakti hu? kya mere ofc me der tak kaam krne ko srf isiliye judge kiya jata h kyuki me unmarried girl hu?
ye sab to sikhaya hi ni mje,,mere parents k liye meri shaadi se jyada mera career, independent hona, ek strong women hona, aor zindagi ki har problem ko face krne jesi values hona jaruri tha,kya pta tha ki in values ko prove b karna pdta h.
aaj k din me manti hu ki mene meri values ko chodaa h kch hadd tak toh...dixit k sath relationship aor fir humari physical intimacy jo shadi k baad hoti h..lekin woo mje galat ni lgta....samajhdar h,responsible h,aor mjse behadd pyar krta h...aor me kitna hi na bol lu,pr sach to ye h ki me iske bina reh hi ni sakti hu....mene bht roka h khud ko pyaar krne se...ki moh maya se door rahu lekin na hi ye moh jata h na maya ki jarurat. mje ab dar lgne laga h, jitna ahem ye meri zindagi me h, kya me kbi utni ban paungi?
iss baar mene socha tha ki apne aap ko sambhal lungi...pr mje to ye ehsaas ho gya ki me jitni iski parwah krti hu, jitna ye mere jeene k liye jaruri ho gya h, apni zindagi ko iske bina imagine b ni kr pana, har ek baat pe mera rooth jana, uski khushi k liye mera tadap jana to bht dikkat dega mje....
kisi din mje door hona pad gya to me kya krungi, kaha jaungi,kisse bolungi....aor akelepan se to me bht darti hu....mene un do logo ko kho diya h jo meri jaan h...ab ye aor ma hi to h mere liye...isko b kho diya to bikhar jaungi...itni himmat ni h meri.....zindagi khtm to ni hogi, bt me kbhi kisi se pyaar ni kr paungi