Notes

yes, it was you because of you that panic attack touched me. I don't know the reason yet but surely know the cause and that was you :) you will be the first one to know once i get sure about it :P

I know about your insecurities, I have known it from the beginning, initially not that properly but as the time passed, as we grew together, as i started observing you more and more I could see them. I have always tried that any of my action or word dont push them more. Also yes I could have found someone else, someone different or so to say in your terms better, so could have you. but yesterday you told me one thing, that I'm the best for you. exactly the same way i feel. You bring the best in me. And majority of the person I am today is because of you. Therefore sophistication (which trust me you are more sophisticated than me, you will know once we start living together :P), manners you say- you are one of the most mannered guy i have ever met in 24 years of my life and that was my opinion even when i met you in the beginning and its constant to this day lets not even talk about the physical strength wala part :P and career uske lie toh tumhre case me, muje zara sa bhi shaq nahi hai. I have always believed in your capabilities and not because i love you but because rationally i have thought, i have seen and i know that this is one area i never ever will have to be worried about withh 100% conviction and ofcourse how can i forget the sense of humour wala part. You know they say "if a man can make a woman laugh, he can make her do anything"and i'm a living example of that :* and you dont know, you arent a girl, and you have no idea, the girls of this world will envy me when i will tell them about you. I know this, i got this, trust my words on this. You have qualities, abilities, personality that every girl can die for. I'm attracted to you, and that was the first thing which happened, i fell in love with you later. And you will say that i'm just saying it because i love you, but its not that, i mean what i say and i'm sure there are many like me having the same opinion. (:/)
Even i have my insecurities, but when i'm with you i just feel like they just doesnt matter now. because you have accepted me completely, and my intention is exactly the same.

coming back to that night. I agreed that day because i told you i was just checking and you yourself see this you havent been able to get over that thing till today. I know thats your fantasy, that turns you on and every other thing regarding that. But i also know that, it will never happen in reality, i have so many instances to quote- in hotel, the first time you talked to me about it and we tried, the rape fantasy of mine, that night, every single time when you tried, you were the one feeling bad about it more than me. Also, even if someday it crosses the line, then i'm right here with you. Do you honestly think i would let anything/anyone jeopardise our relationship? Its just a fantasy, dont let it take the peace of your mind. Our relationship is and will always be way above this one. And i'm saying this because, i told you that if ever this thing happens our relationship will suffer, and not only from my end, but from yours too. So even if you want it badly, i will be there with you to let this not happen. Although at the first place, its a remote possibility to happen in real, but still if it does, i won't let our relationship suffer- by which i mean this fantasy of yours is aint gonna be completed in real ever :P

No it isnt amateurish on your part and its my responsibility (wilful) and your right to know. I wont give any justification to it that why things didnt happen or did happen but yes i will make sure and try that these things become a part of my conscious so that i dont use forgetting as a reason of not telling you.
Nehal se, had not been in touch, infact i want even the one who gave her my number, she might have took it from anybody in the family- mom, dad, sakshi bhb many options are there. But yes i should have mentioned this thing to you, and i'm really sorry about that. i know after that picture i shared and the conversation after that i just started not liking her even more. Its not that I hate divyanshi, but a part of me will always be not okay with that part of your life, though i wasnt there at that time but still, i think you can understand here what i'm trying to say. But thats not the point. The point is, yes avinash, and all the other things which i just leave out of the picture, i will start talking about it, honestly i didnt realise that i'm leaving out on these things, but from now on i will be forthcoming in every thing. I just want you to be able to trust me even more than you do right now and ever increasing with every day passing. Also after that day I also started getting not good vibes about harsha, so just telling you that i'm maintaining good distance with her and trust me not because you said, but you have always been correct about people around me and I trust your judgement more than mine and we are a team so I want to do this :)

And I know you hate yourself for doing this but i want to tell you that how relieved i am after reading this, i'm glad that you shared and i know you are telling me that "we can talk, and you dont have to hide anything from me, there is no reason bad enough or good enough for you to hide anything." And I will talk :)