Notes

i am confused from where should i start ,or what and how to say there is a lot to speak out and i am always short of words.

just wanted to tell you that i respect what you are doing and how you are handling everything, it was even more commendable
when you weren't allured to that NITI aayog offer, seeing you eyeing at a single target makes me proud, i know it must be a tough job
to continue and must be a everyday battle with yourself but believe me you are doing a fair job, no matter the end result
our lives might change but it won't change anything b/w us i will always respect you :)
in short lage raho beta bhagwan se roz dua mangta hu success tmhre kadam chume :P

and apart from it i am a bit worried about what happened last night what was it that pushed you to panic mode? i hope and believe it was because of me :P
but please find it out and tell me as i am really impatient can't wait to get it out of you :P

3rd and the most imp. thing i was thinking about what happened that night, if i be true friend i would have asked you to get rid of your bf as he is just
using you and he must have some psychological disorder and would slowely drag you to his level and what he did or asked you to do was disgusting and in no way
is true love.

but i am the lover we are talking about here so to tell you, i cant afford to loose you :* i love you :* you are my greatest treasure, the most beautiful women i will ever meet
you are all perfect with your flaws too.

i agree to it that this thing of me has something to do with my psych definately and me continously forcing you or dragging you into it can be really dangerous for our relationship
and that's what i fear the most too.

i do enjoy this thing this fantasy and this is a huge turn on for me for sure, but its somewhere down the line because i am deeply attached to you and want to see you in everything every role good/bad.
another point is i too have my own insecurities and complexes though i cover them well but still i have them i feel like i am not good enough for you
i always feel you can get some one better than me in terms of physical strength, manners , sophistication , career wise and looks as well may be its because for me you are perfect in every way thats why i only see my imperfections.
but what i wanted to convey was there are more than 1 reason for my fantasy prime being my complexes. i ain't doubting my abilities as for a fact i know i have a streak for continous development so over the years i will grow to a better human being but well we all have our issues.

i am sorry if my behaviour or ways hurt you in any way or you find me irregular in the way i talk or love you even :)

i have been in a relationship before i have seen my self then and i can compare my self i know for a fact i am not what i was then and this definately is love you are the only person i want to share everything with, i have never been this way with my friends too that's why i said yesterday that you are my best friend too.
i just want to get everything out of us, i know its a lot to expect but thats what it is. i see you in every role with you every piece feels at the right place, all dots connect :)


coming back to my sexual advances and ways either you have to control me now if you want to or you have to promise this wont change anything between us , coz my one side definately wants to go forward in it and explore.

enough of me talk :P now thats me being mean

it felt nice when you told me that nehal thing or in fact when you are upfront with me and can talk about everything it feels really good, i know its hard for you to come up and speak, somethings are really casual for you but they are imp. to me so sometimes things get uneasy between us
i expected you would have told me that you saw that guy in mandir before this happened though there was no contact, or you would have told me that nehal has your contact details , or you went out with avinash in those years , i know you dont find these things imp and i know its amateaurish of me you too have got a life and you are the driver
but sometimes to cope up with these things i take my own time and shut my self up, i never liked nehal and she resembled a lot to divyanshi so that day i went to the past and everything started hurting me even more, but thats a trait i can control i want you to never ever hide things from me and i am trying to be open enough to you that we can talk


now i dont know what have i written or if my words would be able to covey my heart or not but still posting it :)
i love you