Notes

July 21, 2017
I don't know if I'll be doing this everything day, but I guess it depends on how I feel. For starters, I never got the giff on having diaries or journals because I feel like people only use them hoping that someone finds it. Obviously that's not their intention but yeah. I want yo start writing how I feel based on what's currently happening in my life right now. No, I'm not going to call it a diary. And, no, I'm not going to call it a journal. In fact, I don't what to call it anything. But, humanity tends to label everything in it's way in order to categorize and keep everything in order. Right now, I don't feel much. But, I don't feel normal. I'm numb. My cousin that I grew up with since I was just a baby is leaving. I'm obviously not blaming anyone for anything. But, me, as a human I tend to have feelings. And what I hate is having to care for someone. But, I also love having to care for someone. It's something so relaxing and calm. You're just happy. Of course, no matter how many times you may tell yourself that you are ready to lose someone or that you'll know what to do if you lose someone, you're never prepared. Emotionally, that is. That's how I feel. My cousin is like my best friend. I remember going to this best friend foundation and it taught us what a best friend truly is. Of course, everyone thought the whole trip was stupid and meaning-less. They would make jokes about it. But, I tried to pay close attention to what they were saying. They gave us portfolio and it asked us some questions. One question that stood out to me was " Who is your best friend?" I had my 2 best friends on either side of me. And they meant a lot to me. They still do. We never wanted to call each best friends because we felt that the word was overrated. We used sister and wife. And, we still do. But, in simple words if we were explaining to someone we just met we would we're best friends. So that's when it got difficult. I didn't know who to choose. Julia, someone that I had know since I was in Pre-K but we never really liked each (heck we hated each other) until 5th grade. She was the only person that really understood me, and I would feel lost without her. Or Joselin, someone that used to be cruel to me during 5th grade until her "friends" thought she wasn't enough to be in their little clique. Joselin came to us and we accepted her. She helped me connect more to society and how to deal with it. The choice was hard. But. I hadn't noticed that I was only thinking of them. I realized a best friend could be anything. Your mom, your dad, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa, even your pet. That's when I realized the one person I could never lose or hold a grudge longer than 15 minutes was my cousin. Sabrina. Social, Achiever, Beautiful, Ravishing, Innocent, Nosy,and Always on the bright side of things. She's what I put down on my paper. I'd write her name over and over again if I could. I'll talk about how she is leaving and how I feel tomorrow. So long, invisible that may be reading this.