Yes I am writing, because i don't know any other way to express what i feel than this. but i'm not going to share it with you because i feel you just don't want to know, you are just drifting away. I never doubted your love for me, i'm still not and i know i never will but i just am empty, i am lonely i am not at peace. When you were not there, these feelings were justified at that time, but now in spite of you being here, this feeling remains. worst, it grows with every passing day. I feel that i'm the reason you are stuck in your life, had I not been there may be you would have been at a better place, but just because of me you have to stick to your commitments. sometimes /i fear that just because you have committed to it, you are forcing yourself to fulfil this promise. whenever i try to tell you how i feel you shun me down. you just drift me away always. whenever a situation like this happens, why is it always that even you start acting weird with me. I don't know I am difficult to handle may be, may be i'm immature, maybe i'm unreasonable, but wasn't i like this always? I'm scared of sharing what i feel with you because you always say that i'm being unreasonable. today you told aish that till i'm offbeat you will hate me. but did you try to know why i am offbeat? and for whatever reasons i am, i am not happy myself. every day every second in front of everyone i'm pretending to be happy, at night for few minutes when i talk to you i feel that maybe i can be myself with you, maybe i'm wanted here but last few nights you have been acting as if it doesn't matter, it is an everyday story now and its fine. i have nothing to say because i feel that you don't want to listen. No situation, nothing holds power over me. its just you who does. maybe i'm asking for a lot i don't know, but you just don't have any idea the immense loneliness i feel, its a black hole which takes everything in it. I feel that you have left me, everyday you ask me "how are you? all is well?" bas khatm ho jati hai na wahi pe baat. Tumhe yaad hai tumne mujhse pyaar se kab baat ki th? han tum bhi mujhse yahi baat bol sakte ho or mai chahti hu ki tum bolo, kyuki uske baad me ye maan lungi, ki no matter what the situation is i have to behave a certain way. Jese tumhare pass baat karne k liye koi nahi hai, tumhe kisis ki zarurat nahi hai wese hi mere pass bhi sirf tum ho. par tumne muje waha lake chod dia hai ki tumse baat karne me darr lagta hai, or apni situation ko excuse ka naam nahi de rahi, par sach bhi toh yei hai ki nahi sambhal pa rahi khudko, tum ek baar bina gussa hue jata do ki tumhe fikr ho ri hai, janti hu fikr ho ri hai par kabhi kabhi sun na bht zaruri hota hai. jaha reh rahi hu har din kuch esa sunti hu jis se muje meri value ka ehsaas hota hai. us samay tumhrei zarurat hoti hai sun ne ki zarurat hoti hai ki i am wanted, par usi samay tum muje dur kar dete ho, esa mehsus karate ho ki ye teri problem hai, tu khud deal kar, kana tuje hi padega, tu front-end pe hai. Tanveer sab janti hu, ki handle muje hi karna hoga par atleast tumse words ka support toh mang sakti hu na? itna haq hai shyd, or bas iski hi zarurat hai. bas tum itna keh do, or na b kaho toh me bura behave kar b rahi hu, nahi smj ri udaas hu kuch bhi hu, please mana lo, lease feel karwa do ki tumhe meri zarurat hai. kyuki muje bht zyada hai or bas tumhari hi hai. mene agar bol dia ki muje nahi samaj aa ra kya feel kar ri hu, toh tum b okay bol dete ho, km se km kuch puch lo kuch keh do km se km ok keh k ye mat jatao ki bht ho gaye tere natak. muje abhi bhi nahi samaj aa raha me bas typpe kar ri hu or janti hu tumhri feeling isk baad ye hogi ki kuch samaj nahi aya muje jo kehna hai saaf saaf bol. tumhri isi saaf saaf baat k karan samaj hi nahi pati, kyuki hmesha mere pass nahi hote words saaf saaf tumhe smjhane k lie. Rona bhi nahi ata muje, kam se kam woh ho jae toh dil halka ho jaye. lagta hai explode ho jaugi. janti hu tmhe lagta hai ki me bht zada emotional hu or muje nahi hona chaiye, par mai kya karu. jab tak hu tab tak hu agar ye khtm ho gya toh kuch bhi mehsus hona band ho jaega. extremes pe rehti hu or aisi hi hu mai. thak gyi hu explain karte krte ki esi hi hu. or hu toh kya galat hai or hai galat toh kya karu use sahi karne ke liye.
