Notes

Rachel choked up as Finn pulled her up onto his lap, immediately pressing her head against his chest, savouring the moment as much as she could. She figured that she looked terrible with her red, blotchy eyes and smeared makeup, but there was no point in trying to make herself look presentable now, for she was sure that there would be more tears to come. Releasing a small gulp as he repeatedly told her that he didn’t hate her, she couldn’t help but feel that a heavy weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Hours had been spent earlier that day, trying to convince herself that everything was going to be alright after their talk. That perhaps, they could still remain best friends if the pain and damage was too deep to fix. Best friends. She could most definitely live with that. She had for a month or so; why not forever? Yes, she wouldn’t be able to ever cuddle, or kiss him, or- Holding back another sob, the brunette was certain that it would be easier to not talk to him than be just his friend. Shaking her head slightly, she turned her gaze onto Finn when she felt his ees on hers. A minute passed, but she never wanting to break the eye contact, wanting to just stare into his whisky-coloured eyes and try to forget everything else that was even happening to begin with. However, she had learnt a while ago that you couldn’t always get what you wanted, and in this instance, there was nothing closer to reality.
Sharply inhaling at the feeling of his lips on her dampened skin, Rachel quickly shut her eyes and stayed still, trying her best not to breathe. Just in case this was the last time that she had this feeling of warmth growing in the pit of her stomach which could only be caused by Finn’s touch, she made sure to memorize every breath and every kiss, knowing that she would never, or could never, forget this. Forcing herself not to cry, she opened her eyes once more to confirm that this wasn’t a dream, one that she would later wake up from and be disappointed. Getting chills as she felt his lips brush against her skin, she dared her eyes to look over at Finn’s which were mere inches away. Feeling a slight tug at her heart, Rachel had to restrain herself to not to move her head slightly so his lips, which were still on her cheek, would fall onto her own. As she began to debate whether or not this was a valid option, he spoke again, springing her back into reality. She couldn’t help but feel saddened as she saw that he had pulled away, but didn’t have time to think about it for he had started complimenting her, causing a new batch of tears to swell up in her eyes, not caring to the slightest degree that he was looking right at her. It hurt her that he didn’t think she appreciated them, every single complement, regardless if she thought they was true or not. As he called her perfect, she immediately shook her head as fast as she could, hating herself for crying so much. She could live with him calling her amazing, beautiful even, but perfect was a far stretch, and knew that she had to set the record straight. He couldn’t think of her as perfect, because at that moment in time, she felt like the complete opposite of that word.
“I’m not even close to perfect,” she whispered, looking right at Finn, trying to control her emotions as much as she could. It took all that she had not to look away, to quiet herself. But deep down, Rachel knew everything she was about to say was the truth, whether she liked it or not. “If I was, this would have never happened. But it did. If I was perfect, I wouldn’t have hurt you. But I did. If I-” Letting out another choke, she quickly tried to retain herself and swallowed once before continuing. “You can call me amazing, although that’s also far from the truth, and you can call me beautiful even if that’s also far from the truth.” To try and prove her point, she gestured towards her not-yet cried out face, shaking her head slightly. “However,” she continued, finally dropping her eyes down towards her lap, “There is absolutely no way that I am allowing you to call me perfect.” Silencing herself once more as he started telling her about how hard it was for him to break up with her, she stiffened as he mentioned memories. For the first few days, even watching Funny Girl had been out of the question from all the times that she had made him watch it. Her wet eyes widened slightly as she felt his head in her neck, and all she wanted to do was hold him and tell him that it was going to be alright, that they were going to be alright.”And I told you that you’re not the only one who’s selfish,” she murmured, bringing him as close to her as she could. “You aren’t. I… I was so jealous. That Ali got to hug you whenever she wanted, that she got to kiss you, that she was even with you to begin with. I wanted you all to myself even if we weren’t together. I wanted you to be mine and only mine.”
Lowering her head down to his hair, Rachel silently inhaled his familiar scent before pressing a kiss to his head, the tears coming to a rest for the moment. Yet moments later when Finn raised it once more, tears streaming down his own cheeks, she felt the moisture began to build up in her own eyes, and couldn’t help but wonder when she would run out of water to cry. Her heart began to race as he called her baby, one of the names that she would never allow anyone but Finn to call her, and she wondered how much therapy she would need after this was done. She had never felt so many emotions before at one time, but unlike ten minutes ago, the majority of them were positive. Feeling like her heart was going to explode as he confessed his love to her, Rachel knew that she wasn’t going to last much longer, especially when he brought up their first glee club rehearsal. “How could I forget that?” she giggled, ignoring the fact that her voice was hoarse. “Even then, I knew that I was deeply in love with you. It… It was love at first sight,” she softly said, her eyes finding his once more. “I know that I said that I don’t believe in it, but you’ve always been an exception, no matter what the situation is. You are the only exception.” Taking his hand in her own so she wouldn’t cry when he called her his girl, the brunette looked up at him, giving a small smile. “I promise that I’ll always be your girl if you promise to always be my man. Forever. And this time, forever forever. Because I’m not sure whether or not you know this already, but you’re my everything as well. You are going places, Finn. I mean, New York’s going to pretty lonely by myself…”
Edging herself so her face was inches away from Finn’s, Rachel took a deep breath before looking the boy in the eyes, chewing on her lip. “Can I-” She cut herself off, attempting to calm herself down before she started again, ignoring the fact that she could feel her hands shaking. “You… you can kiss me if you want to.”